"Hey, Rhys Millen, meet us down by the docks tonight. We got something to show you. And come alone," Hyundai's ad guy probably said to the race car driver. Hyundai then proceeded to try to not kill Rhys Millen, first with swinging shipping containers, then with spikes, and finally, with a Cadillac Escalade.
The 2015 Hyundai Genesis may be the "Car of Texas," and we've been trying to figure out what the hell that means since we heard that. Maybe it has something to do with the technology inside?
The tech that comes with the Genesis includes a lane-keeping assist system, a rear cross-traffic alert system, and an automatic emergency braking system, all designed to protect people who drive poorly from themselves, or something.
But the way they decided to show it off was by putting hillclimb driver, drifter, and general all-around racer Rhys Millen in a Genesis, and then putting him through a ridiculous gauntlet.
First they made him drive through a lane of spikes:
Then they made him pass between some crushing cargo containers, which apparently come on big swings nowadays, Rhys Millen:
And then they made him drive headfirst into a Cadillac:
To be honest, it's a neat little ad series, as these things go, and actually shows off what the company is talking about when they dribble a bunch of system acronyms at you in a regular TV ad.
But I am really, genuinely disappointed.
Rhys Millen is probably a nice guy, I've never met him. But I could be sitting here, right now, in the Jalopnik World Headquarters Bunker, writing better headlines than this. Funner headlines than this.
Rhys Millen Now In Hospital, Crushed By Massive Swinging Containers
Rhys Millen Should've Never Trusted Hyundai And Their Scary Future Things
Rhys Millen could've spent his whole life driving like an absolute maniac, only to be snuffed out, in his prime, behind the wheel of a reasonably-priced-sedan-cum-death-machine.
But no, I have to sit here and tell you that it all worked, just as expected.
Damn you, Hyundai, and your things that function, as designed.
(Oh yeah, Rhys, so happy you're alive, keep up the good work, big fan, etc.)