Some car owners just can’t help themselves from turning their once lovable machines into over-customized, poorly driven, and overall ruined piles of trash. Here are 10 sad, sad examples of that.
10.) Honda Civic
Abused, mistreated, under-driven, over-driven, you name it and I can guarantee you can find a Honda Civic that can be matched to that description.
9.) Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen
With the countless celebrities who have made these off-road machines their grocery getters, the East Hampton and Park Avenue mothers who have made them their preferred school transport vehicle, and the unidentified monsters who tacked on completely grotesque bodykits over the years, the modern G-Wagens of the world deserve a new home. This isn’t what they were made for! They’re utility vehicles, not LA traffic luxury delivery machines.
Maybe it would help if they didn’t cost like, a bazillion dollars.
8.) Lamborghini Aventador
If there’s one exotic car today that seems to always get hit with the ugliest wraps and the worst bodykits, it’s the Aventador. I’ll never understand why owners of $400K+ cars take delivery of their new rides then proceed to spend tens of thousands of dollars on tasteless mods.
You spent that much on the car, so do whatever you want with it, feel free to ruin it as you please. I guess.
7.) Dodge Ram
Almost every time I find myself surrounded by soot clouds, they’re being emitted by a five- to 10-year-old, slightly modified, bro-truck edition, coal-rolling Dodge Ram. They’re good work trucks, andyou really don’t have to shatter all of that.
6.) Toyota Prius
It’s unfortunate that when considering the Prius for a car purchase, you also have to factor in the reputation that goes with the name. People will assume you’re either an ultra liberal “save the earth” hippie, or you hate cars. All of these could be completely untrue, and you could just be looking for an affordable and reliable car that gets solid fuel economy.
Too bad the inevtiable bumper stickers ruin everything.
5.) Ford Crown Victoria
Ford Crown Victoria ownership demographics mainly stretch from extremely elderly people who probably shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car, cops and taxi drivers, and young folk who want to pretend that they are the big bad police.
So basically if you own a Crown Vic, it’s expected they’re you’re going to either flash your leftover cop spotlight at people, tailgate, or slowly slip out of your lane and drive far under the speed limit.
4.) Ford Mustang
Burnouts are awesome. Drifts are awesome. Burnouts that lead to drifts are awesome. Here’s the thing, these things are only awesome when performed in a safe environment without the likelihood of injuring those around you.
3.) Mazda Miata
Miatas are great, but their owners, not so much. My colleague Stef Schrader can explain.
Sure, I know a lot of nice owners, but they preach about these dumb little cars so much that they put the Mormons and the Jehovah’s Witnesses both to shame.
I would rather hear an in-depth discussion of butt cancer than I would anything about a Miata. Doing cool stuff with the Miata, awesome! Useful mods you’re doing, neat! Hooning the crap out of it because you can, of course! They’re decent to drive, but that just means that they were built to a purpose as well as a beige Corolla was for commuting. The Miata IS the beige Corolla of track beaters.
There is no deader horse in existence today than “let me talk about how great the Miata is.”
Psst: When I say I need a roof, I don’t mean one that can be plucked off of the car. I mean a real, solid, permanently attached roof because I don’t want a convertible, period. The habit of answering “Miata” to every car conundrum has been dragged out so long that it’s not even funny anymore. It’s just irritating.
Admit it: it’s rarely the answer, Miata folks. You’re all just trying too hard to cling onto a joke that used to be clever.
2.) BMW 3 Series
BMWs are world-renowned for their careless asshat owners. With the 3 Series being one of the company’s more affordable models, that’s only multiplied. Reader Margin Of Error can share some insight.
ownedleased by obnoxious people who only want to show off but actually don’t give a shit about the car. That’s mostly why BMW gave up on driving pleasure with the F30. Light steering, 4 banger and slushbox.
Greed is slowly killing BMW.
1.) Subaru WRX/STi
The sense of brotherhood between Subaru owners is like no other. That doesn’t mean they’re all the best people or best owners. Reader J3ffRay has an explanation.
As an STi owner myself I see so many “kids” buying the WRX in my area and spending thousands to put them on air, lowered ridiculously to the ground, and with ridiculous wheels. Probably thanks to the WRX, and to a lesser extent the STi, being reasonably affordable for the older, higher mileage, models now.
The Subaru community is great, but like all car communities you’re constantly facepalming yourself. I see people buying new 2015 STIs and financing them for $400-$600 monthly payments. Financial advising aside, they will then immediately take that 34k+ car out of warranty and spend a grand or more going “stage 2”. What happens if the car explodes due to the EJ being finicky? The answers are always the same. “That won’t happen because I know the best tuners and shop owners” or “I’ll just revert to stock” (making it harder for normal people to get warrantied because Subaru of America is always looking for reverted cars) or “nah they cant do that, a flash tune and goodies making it 400+ at the crank wouldn’t affect the engine, Magnuson-moss man...”
Kids showing how fast their “stage 2” cars are by flooring it in public parking garages leaving or entering meets, or how loud their car is, or how their lights can flash. Please don’t floor it in tight public spaces.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day’s Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It’s by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
Top Photo Credit: The Tire Pressure BMW Guy