Remember that line your parents fed you when you were a kid about the jolly fat man in a red and white suit? I'm here to tell you that it's all bullshit. And that sleigh and reindeer? Baloney.

Santa wears a brown suit. His sleigh is a big brown Freightliner box truck pulled by Rudolph the red-nosed 6.0-liter diesel. But don't take my word for it. See for yourself.