Winner Of Pontiac G8 ST Chooses Pontiac Torrent GXP Instead

Illustration for article titled Winner Of Pontiac G8 ST Chooses Pontiac Torrent GXP Instead

The guy who won the contest for the first of the now-canceled Pontiac G8 ST was given a $30,000 credit from the arrow-headed brand. The vehicle he choose? A Pontiac Torrent GXP. Gag. []


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My spies tell me the conversation went something like this:

Pontiac: "Uh, we're sorry, but we're not making the G8 ST anymore."

Guy: "Okay."

Pontiac: "Well, that means we can't give you one."

Guy: "Wait... you've got one sitting right there."

Pontiac: "Yes, but we need it to put in our Heritage Collection museum."

Guy: "Why? That's my truck."

Pontiac: "Uh, well, yeah, see... we need to hang on to it so GM can auction it off at Barret Jackson in a few years when the government quits loaning them operating capital."

Guy: "So what do I get?"

Pontiac: "Well, you get any vehicle you want that thirty-thousand Pontiac bucks will buy."

Guy: "What the hell is a Pontiac buck?"

Pontiac: "Just pick a car."

Guy: "Fine. I want a black G8 GXP with a six speed."

Pontiac: "Um, yeah, no. We can't do that."

Guy: "Why not?"

Pontiac: "That vehicle costs thrity-eight thousand Pontaic bucks. You only have thirty thousand Pontiac bucks."

Guy: "Then I'll pay the difference in real dollars."

Pontiac: "But people actually want to buy the G8 GXP."

Guy: "I know. That's why I want one."

Pontiac: "Okay, let's try this again..."

Guy: "What about a G8 GT?"

Pontiac: "Yeah, still, no."

Guy: "Is there any G8 I can have?"

Pontiac: "Yes, actually. We can put you in a six cylinder today."

Guy: "Oh, hell no, screw that."

Pontiac: "Well, what about a G6?"

Guy: "A retractable hardtop?"

Pontiac: "Oh, no. I was thinking more along the lines of a sensible sedan with cloth seats and..."

Guy: "I want my G8 ST."

Pontiac: "We have a few Grand Prixs left. How about a nice Grand Prix?"

Guy: "Either give me my G8 ST or give me a G8 GXP."

Pontiac: "How about a G5 AND a G3?"

Guy: "And what do you want me to do with those? Ram them together in the parking lot?"

Pontiac: "We'll even throw in a parking lot if you want."

Guy: "No."

Pontiac: "Could we interest you in a mail order bride?"

Guy: "A WHAT?"

Pontiac: "There are beautiful women in countries where the economic conditions aren't so great..."

Guy: "I know what mail order brides are."

Pontiac: "So, what would you like? We have a nice blonde here in knee-high hooker boots and a go-go dress."

Guy: "Are you people insane?"

Pontiac: "Okay. Mail order bride may not be the route you want to go. How about we go a little gray market here. How would you feel about a 'sex' 'slave'?"

Guy: "I don't want a woman."

Pontiac: "Then a man?"

Guy: "No! I came here for a CAR!"

Pontiac: "Look, we can give you a Vibe. The Vibe is nice. Toyota based one of their popular models on it."

Guy: "How about you give me a Toyota Matrix instead so I'll have a car with an actual resale value? Then I can sell it and buy something I actually want."

Pontiac: "Well, if you want a truck so bad, we can convert your thirty thousand Pontiac Bucks into twenty thousand GMC Dollars."

Guy: "What? No! Give me the ST!"

Pontiac: "We can't do that! If we give you the prototype GM will DIE! You don't want GM to die, do you?"

Guy: "Fine. Give me thirty-thousand REAL dollars or give me a GXP! Or else I'll sue!"

Pontiac (to Laywer): "Can he do that?"

Lawyer (to Pontiac, sliding contract across table): "Give him the GXP. He wants the GXP. So give him the GXP. It's a win-win for everybody."

A few pen strokes later, Guy was really surprised when he went to take delivery of his GXP, only find out that his GXP wasn't the GXP he was expecting.

Moral of story, ALWAYS read the fine print. Unless, of course, you want to be ridiculed mercilessly on Jalopnik.