Thereā€™s an awful lot of Serious Business happening in America right now. Iā€™m pretty sick of it. Letā€™s take a moment to ignore the news and the polls and the leaks and focus on something that actually matters: what animals would be what-wheel-drive?

Now, I know that animals donā€™t actually have wheels. I checked this out. And, I also know that, technically, pretty much every land-based animal capable of locomotion is capable of moving all their limbs. But that doesnā€™t mean every animal is all-wheel-drive.

This isnā€™t science. Itā€™s conceptual. Some animals just sort of behave and move more like, say a rear-wheel drive car/animal/carnimal would. And some are more front-wheel biased, some seem to act like an all-wheel-drive car, and some more like a true, double-differential, off-road 4-wheel drive. You just kind of see the animal, feel it in your gut, and make the call.

I made the call for 24 animals here. Youā€™ll likely take issue with some. Youā€™ll likely have more to suggest. You may even not be able to identify one of those silhouettes. I just want to get this important discussion rolling here.

The gorilla Iā€™m still not sure about. I think technically, those rear legs do most of the work, but that knuckle-walk just feels more FWD.


Know what I mean? Anyway, hereā€™s it all in a chart, suitable for framing: