If you are like me, you worry about your cars sitting in the garage at night, confused and alone in the dark. They long to feel pavement beneath their tires. But if you’re rich enough to be losing sleep over your cars in storage facing long-term road withdrawal, you are probably rich enough to build them an entire charming village street just to assuage that guilt.

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Illustration for article titled Theres Life-Sized Fake Town Complete With Real Cars In This Mansions Basement

That’s what I’m guessing happened at this aggressively bland behemoth of a home in Potomac, Maryland on offer by Washington Fine Homes. It comes with everything you’d expect a 12,089 square foot home sitting on four acres to have, like seven bedrooms, eight full bathrooms, a front gate, and this weird copy of a cobblestone town street in the basement, complete with real working classic cars.

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Illustration for article titled Theres Life-Sized Fake Town Complete With Real Cars In This Mansions Basement

One image description notes that there are 15 fake storefronts in this basement. It boggles my mind a bit, the amount of work that went into this glorified parking garage. But these aren’t just any cars. There’s a Citroën 2CV Charleston Edition, a Jaguar XKE Series II or III and an MG TD plus some kind of bike (let me know what it is in the comments!) with a really creepy dummy riding it:

Illustration for article titled Theres Life-Sized Fake Town Complete With Real Cars In This Mansions Basement

Even in a fake underground street, this massage parlor looks sketchy as hell. Even better than the parlor, is the double feature at the fake movie theater. A classic pairing, really:

Illustration for article titled Theres Life-Sized Fake Town Complete With Real Cars In This Mansions Basement
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The Venn diagram of people who love Mary Poppins and people who love The Exorcist is a perfect circle.

I had a good friend try her best to teach me about the wealthy for a while, but I’m still confused. What is it with rich people finding it charming to put cars where they don’t belong? Much like this condo with the Pagani Zonda R, putting a car inside your house means you can’t really use it as a car anymore, and it takes up a lot of space in your house. It’s like making two hugely expensive objects more inconvenient, all for the hell of it. Man, that’s rich, folks.

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The house also comes with a four-car garage above ground, which I hope means there’s even better vehicles out there for actually driving. This may be one of those, ‘if you have to ask, you can’t afford it,’ situations, but if you’re tempted, Zillow puts the cost of this palace at a cool $4.5 million.

Managing Editor of Jalopnik.

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