Your hair's properly coiffed, best threads are doffed and there's a reservation at the hottest spot in town with your name on it. After all that hard work it would be a shame to drive up to your date's house in a vehicle so terrifying she's either faked an illness or called the police. For those in the dating game and prone to driving unique vehicles, we present this helpful list of ten cars guaranteed to scare away a blind date before the date even begins. You know, as a public service announcement.
Why It's Bad: On the off chance the girl you're meeting to date is an environmentalist, the largest of all Hummers is likely to displease her right off the bat. Even if she doesn't care about a gas guzzler, the tough-looking H1 might make you look wimpy. What It Says About You: The H1 is simultaneously a gigantic SUV, a convertible and shines like a piece of jewelry. This truck says you're insecure, overspend and are probably going through a midlife crisis. Alternative: Why not just buy a Hummer H2 — same insecurity and gas mileage at half the price?
Why It's Bad: The vintage Pontiac Trans Am's screamin' chicken doesn't impress the ladies quite as well now as it did with Burt Reynolds at the wheel. Because of the lifestyles of the original owners, many of the cars also smell like a mixture of Camel Lights and cheap beer. What It Says About You:You got this car as a 16th birthday present and it was the coolest thing that happened to you since your parents let you live in the basement. Unfortunately, you still live in your parent's basement. Alternative: Nothing says cool guy from the 1970s like the much classier GTO.
Why It's Bad: Unless you're trying to pick up a girl working part time as a cashier at the local mall's Hot Topic, no one likes the sight of a death wagon pulling up to their door step. Though the hearse offers spacious and luxurious appointment, your date isn't going to get close enough to the vehicle to appreciate those facts. What It Says About You: You are creepy. You watch horror films constantly. You work at a funeral home. Alternative: If you can get your hands on a hearse you can probably get your hands on a normal American luxury car. You can even get it in black. [Photo: ParksSuperior]
Why It's Bad:Normally, you want to convince your date you're a youthful, fun guy that's doing well and has a thirst for life. Hard to do when you open the sliding door to put something in the back seat. What It Says About You: You have kids and therefore are likely a divorcee and possibly distrustful of women. If you claim you don't have kids you're probably lying and using the van to cheat on your wife. Alternative: Most soccer moms these days drive SUVs anyways. Trade up to an Explorer if you want the space and hatch.
Why It's Bad: Not quite a motorcycle and not quite a car, the Can-Am Spyder is definitely a conversation starter. Unfortunately, the conversation starts with "where do I sit on that thing?" and ends with "I'm not going to get that close to a stranger." A Can-Am rider already looks like a monkey having relations with a gorilla. Two riders look like a monkey having relations with another monkey having relations with a gorilla. What It Says About You: You're macho enough to want the thrill of open-air driving but not skilled enough or cool enough to ride an actual motorcycle. Alternative: A Mazda Miata offers open-top thrills and seat-of-your-pants driving without the awkward closeness. As a bonus, she'll think your car is "cute."
Why It's Bad: Picking up your date in a new limo with a driver is a little cliche, but showing up as the driver of your very own limo is just sad. Who wants to ride up front in a limo? What It Says About You: You have a side job as a limo driver. You can't pass up a deal. You want to pretend like you're rich but you're really not. Alternative: A used Lincoln Town Car isn't that expensive and makes you look like a businessman, not a poser. [Photo: JimsMintCars]
Why It's Bad: A custom van, especially one with a built-in bed, already sends a message about forwardness. Add layers of custom paint and you've got a wagon that hasn't impressed a girl in more than a quarter of a century. What It Says About You: I live in a collective art colony. I have a mustache. I don't have a job. Obviously, I live in this van. Yes, more than likely it is down by the river. Alternative: Vanning is so old. All the cool Japanese kids are into Dekotora now.
Why It's Bad: While your date shouldn't fault you for driving an economy car, we wouldn't blame her for faulting you for driving one of the original economy cars. Not even as cool as a Pacer, the Gremlin is not a cool classic like a vintage Mustang. It's just an old, cheap car. What It Says About You: You picked up an extra shift working at the comic book store so the lucky lady you met on Match.com is going to be able to get the extra large curly fries with her Arby's roast beef sandwich. Alternative: At least a vintage Pacer has the novelty of having starred in Wayne's World.
Why It's Bad:Unless you own a florist shop or bakery, the used panel van is historically the vehicle of choice for criminals and deviants. Also, no girl wants to step into a van that still has the logo for "Franklin's Dog Grooming" peeling off the side. What It Says About You: You may have seen me on America's Most Wanted or To Catch A Predator. Alternative: If you want a cheap, used commercial vehicle why not just buy an old white truck from the city lot? [Photo: AvonHill]
Why It's Bad: Your date will be expecting you to get out of the back; when you get out of the front she's going to turn off the lights in her house. Cabs typically smell like feet and are covered in used gum. What It Says About You: You're only partially employed. You have no room for upward employment. You like to work nights because you're awake anyway. Alternative: A used police car offers all of the advantages of the Crown Vic and usually comes with a push-bar. [Photo: Getty Images]