This will come as a welcome surprise to that one weird guy in your town with a yard full of transaxles, but a Porsche 968 won a racing event. It won this year.

For years, I have been meh about the LS swap. General Motors’ ubiquitous V8 engine fits almost anywhere! It makes a lot of power! I know, I know. But it’s so common. It is the “live, laugh, love” of engine swaps, my dudes. It is as basic as pumpkin spice. I got bored of hearing about them.

The route book I hold in my hands is plainly laid out with diagrams of upcoming intersections and mileage callouts to ensure we’re on the right path. It’s a simple and easy way to show a hundred cars worth of enthusiasts the fun way to get to our next stop. My only problem; the odometer in our 400,000-mile Porsche 944…

The Porsche 944 is one of the greatest cars of all time, thanks to its impeccably balanced chassis that is a true joy to throw around back roads and race tracks. Yet there’s something missing from a stock 944—the ability to just run right over whatever you please. This off-road “Forsche” fixed that.

I am neither proud nor ashamed of my coffee habit. I learned to drive in the Seattle area as Starbucks was well on its way to world domination, so I knew from an early age that a cupholder is one of the bare necessities a car must have. Even my race car! Adding a cupholder in my Porsche 944 is the best $3 I’ve ever…

Ever since I first saw Porsche 944s and 924s on stage rallies, I have needed to take my 944 in the dirt. It is a manual. It has rear-wheel-drive. It has been stripped out and caged. I should find a new under-engine shield for the Porsche and rip sweet dirt tails. Let me show you why: this looks like a blast.

The 718 Boxster and Cayman have taken over as the cheap Porsches of the day, sort of like modern-day 914s. Yet those of us who got into inexpensive classic Porsches another way have been left in the dust. Porsche made brilliant front-engine, rear-transaxle cars in the 70s, 80s and 90s, and they owe us a new one.

Say you’re looking for a classic, cheap rear-wheel-drive sports car for cruising in the countryside over the weekend, or even whip out for the occasional track day session. You could get an old British roadster, but the headaches that come with those cars have pretty much turned you off by now. And besides, you’re not…

The Porsche 944 S2 Cabriolet is one of those often forgotten oddities of the automotive world. The recipe was simple: take the best, most powerful, final non-turbo iteration of the Porsche 944, and ruin it by chopping off the roof. Still, I sort of love seeing these things because they’re such rare, odd cars.

I’m tired. I’m sunburnt. I’m dirty. I’m a walking cornucopia of bad smells. I’m also in a better mood than ever, because I spent a lot of time in a good car and have a newfound resolve in getting it fixed. If you need motivation to finally fix all the nagging, dumb little fixes with your project car, go drive it.

“Just drive on through the car wash,” he said. “It will be fine,” he said.

“Is that a stock car?” the Tim Hortons server asked, which seemed a perfectly reasonable thing to say when a race car comes to a drive-thru in Kentucky. The little rally 944 wasn’t, but it was thoroughly awesome to make his day, regardless.

Why, is that a nice patch of open dirt? Is it smooth? Inviting? Open for the donutting? Do you also happen to have a fine vintage German sportscar that is yearning to spin its tires? I think you know what to do. 

How do you slay tires and hearts at the drift event? Bring a car that’s not your standard drift missile and leave a gargantuan trail of smoke and rubber behind you. I am in love with this ludicrously sideways blank white Porsche 944 Turbo.

“It’s stupid,” CJ Wilson Racing driver and part-time lumberjack Danny Burkett told Jalopnik of his recently purchased 1986 Porsche 944 Turbo. “The most stupid decision I’ve ever made, but the best.”

I’ll be honest: I usually don’t care about iOS updates until apps break or I get tired of dismissing reminders to update. However, this latest update allows me to communicate entirely with car stickers, so I can’t hate it. Why write words when I can get the same point across with a 356 or a 919? Also, my own race car…

While we were away at Monterey Car Week, Porsche held the most glorious parade of my people on the Nürburgring during the AvD-Oldtimer-Grand-Prix. This massive herd of Porsche 944s, 924s, 968s and 928s was there to celebrate 40 years of the Porsche transaxle. Which one is your favorite?

Normally, when you think of a burnout, you think of American or Australian machinery laying sonorous V8 elevenses because it can. But let’s be honest: even sophisticated German machinery isn’t above leaving a delightful trail of smoke in its wake.

My racecar was built with burritos. Hot, gooey, spicy, finger-lickin’-good burritos. It’s easy to eat with your hands when you’re busy, and easier yet when the closest fast-ish food to your project car is a Freebirds. How can something so wholesome, cheesy and good be the likely end of me?