Hello, good people of Jalopnik, and welcome to this week’s version of Letters to Doug, wherein you send me letters – presumably strung together to make words and sentences – and, in return, send you Doug.

This is Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly column wherein you write letters and I answer them with some tremendously exciting, interesting prose, except last week, when I was instead looking for moose in Subaru country.

Hello, humans of Jalopnik, and welcome to your weekly dose of Letters to Doug, everyone’s favorite column wherein you send me a letter and I prattle on about something that’s only tangentially related while simultaneously insulting the Audi Allroad.

Hello and welcome to the latest round of Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik column that involves both a) letters, and b) Doug.

Hello, Jalopnik readers, and welcome to Letters to Doug, my weekly column wherein you send me a letter and I provide a very thoughtful, relevant response that may or may not include references to my stuffed anteater, Marvin.

Hello, people of the Web, and welcome to a special version of Letters to Doug, your favorite column wherein you send me a letter with some sort of question, and I post a response with some sort of answer.

Hello humans and welcome to the latest round of Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly column wherein you send me letters and I scoff at them while tilting back a nice jug of brandy.

Hello, human beings, and welcome to this week’s version of Letters to Doug, where we tackle some of the key issues affecting the automotive industry, and also shifter placement.

Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Letters to Doug, a weekly column wherein Doug addresses your automotive-related letters with letters of his own, such as P.

Hello, humans of Jalopnik, and welcome to a special edition of Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik column wherein you provide the letters and I provide the Doug.

Hello, human beings of the Internet, and welcome to Jalopnik, your leading automotive site for stuff about cars. This is Letters to Doug, your leading automotive column for letters to Doug.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen of Jalopnik, and welcome to this week’s Letters to Doug, which involves me signing into my e-mail and trudging through constant Tai Lopez motivational e-mails in order to find something worth posting.

Hello, humans of the Internet, and welcome to Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly column wherein Doug writes letters, such as “J.” J is one of the most important letters, because without it, they’d just be Immy Eat World.

Hello, humans of the Internet, and also racist Microsoft Twitter bots, and welcome to today’s version of Letters to Doug. This is an extra special edition because you are reading this on Friday, even though I am writing it on Thursday. This is due to time travel.

Good day, readers of Jalopnik, and welcome to Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly column wherein Doug rises from bed after sleeping 14 hours straight in order to string together a bunch of letters.

Hello ladies and gentlemen of Jalopnik and welcome to Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly column wherein you write Letters to Doug and Doug reads them in his underwear.

Hello Internet humans, and welcome to Letters to Doug, your favorite weekly Jalopnik column wherein you send me automotive-related letters and I provide you with a helpful response, because I am all-knowing and all-seeing.

Happy Friday, good people of Jalopnik, and welcome to your weekly serving of Letters to Doug, wherein you write letters to Doug and Doug reads them while eating Cheez-Its.