You think it’s some senior vice president in a suit and comfortable wing-tips who reads a teleprompter for 20 minutes? No, hell no. The real heroes of auto shows are the ladies who wear stiletto heels for hours on end and still have the grace to smile at you when you ask them a question when all you really want is…

Citizens of the internet, we need to speak on a subject. Call me old fashioned, but one of the things I look for most in any car is the ability to see out of it when I’m driving it. It doesn’t seem like the designers of new cars these days share my feelings.

The LA Auto Show this year was filled with pansy cars for the weak: an Alfa Romeo crossover and a 911 race car with the engine in the middle. But for truly real Los Angeles realness, this was the one.

The more I look at this thing, the more I like it.

The 2017 Chevy Colorado ZR2 was a huge surprise when it stomped its way on to the LA Auto Show floor with meaty 31-inch tires, two locking differentials and a suspension system that is well and truly seems technology ahead of everything else in the off-road scene. Let’s go deep into detail with the engineers behind it.

The all-new and bulked up 2017 Mini Countryman is coming for us next year. And given the U.S. obsession with trucks, crossovers and large SUVs, it should do well here, right? Mini badly needs that to be the case.

One of the great things about cars is that every so often, you’ll come across one that is so lovingly designed that you can’t help but spend much of your time gazing at it. The Cadillac Escala concept is that car.

America has an addiction: an addiction to buying Subarus. Over the past few years this great nation has been snatching up the Outbacks and the Foresters (and in the case of socially irresponsible people, the BRZs and the STIs) almost immediately after they roll off the assembly lines. But the people demand more: more…

I don’t know if there’s a normal car on the market that makes you feel like a more satisfied, better person than a full-size Volvo, and I’m not sure there’s a better Volvo than a big, tall wagon.

Mazda brought both a family crossover and a racecar, Chevy brought a dope off-road truck, Nissan brought a sporty NISMO compact, Alfa Romeo brought a sexy crossover, Porsche brought a dumpster, Honda brought back a worthy Si, and Lexus showed up with a Sriracha flavored 2017 IS.

The Mercedes-AMG E63 S Edition 1 is a 612 horsepower collision machine, almost dead set on destroying your driver’s license and whatever building you eventually crash into/through. More importantly, it has fantastic tape stripes.

Mazda just knocked everyone at the LA Auto Show flat on their asses with the company’s gorgeous new RT24-P IMSA race car. You may never want to miss another race, because you don’t want to miss catching a glimpse of this stunning machine.

Porsche’s flagship sports car, the 911, has always been a rear-engined car, at least in roadgoing form. Always! However, when Porsche goes to race, they go to win. And let’s be honest about Porsche’s racing side: Porsche would call a duck a 911 if 911 Duck would win.

Porsche has been happy to announce that it has moved the engine in the 911 RSR race car from the rear to the middle of the car. Cool! But! Porsche was less keen to announce where the transmission went, but I found it hiding behind the engine as usual.

For those of you smart enough to realize that the minivan is a far superior vehicle for family duty than a crossover, the all new Chrysler Pacifica is a nice place to be. The Pacifica Hybrid is now available for order, and there’s more fun news: it could end up being cheaper than the gas version.

Mysteriously, outside of Alfa Romeo’s packed press conference end-of-the-world-show was this: a gigantic dumpster labeled Porsche.

The Porsche 911 RSR isn’t just a race car. It’s the GT racer Porsche takes to the world’s most important sports car race: the 24 Hours of Le Mans. It’s Porsche’s brand in a nutshell, now with a mid-mounted engine that’s a break from the flagship sports car’s trademark rear engine placement.

For people who want a little more chutzpah in an economy car, Nissan brought out the 2017 Sentra Nismo. It’s a fine little car, but looking at the back of it makes me want to tear my hair out and scream.

Well, here’s what’s got to be the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, the Alfa Romeo Stelvio. Alfa makes a crossover now. At least it is wildly powerful, with up to 510 horsepower.