There’s a new iPhone out soon or something? And the people, they are excited about the new device. Why? I myself haven’t carried a phone in years, it’s much easier to have other people carry the phone for you and make the calls when you demand it. No, what everyone should be doing is placing orders for the new Ferrari…
I know it’s not even November yet, but Christmas is still right around the corner, and it is my absolute favorite holiday. An extra excuse to shop, while annoying agencies like the IRS are closed because of this federally recognized holiday. As it does every year, home appliance and washcloth factory outlet Neiman…
I usually don’t trouble myself with the legislative affairs of whatever puny country I happen to be passing through, but I’m going to make a special case for France.
Here at Jalopnik, it’s no secret that we’re very “anti-brand.” We don’t get sucked into PR campaigns and we certainly don’t tolerate shameless self-plugs that company CEOs (not really in this case) might post in our comments section.
Above-ground abodes: so overrated.
You probably think being me is a walk in the park, don’t you? From the outside, it seems like life is just dandy: jetting around to various properties, buying things that aren’t for sale and hours rife with substance abuse spent at the spa. Well, it’s not. I have enemies.
Unfortunately, my travels and my business usually bring me to New York City a few times a year. I really don’t care for it. Bad smells, democracy and Chipotle are all nauseating to me. Thankfully, though, there’s been an increase in private driveways to sooth my nerves.
Welcome to a special edition of What Car Should You Buy! Yesterday, Jalopnik was fortunate enough to get an “anonymous letter” from one of the biggest lottery winners in history asking for advice as to what car, or cars, to buy.
Ah, the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance in California. Big hats, fake smiles, astronomical yearly incomes and tax evasion of all levels. Basically: my kind of soirée. At least, it would be if I didn’t keep getting asked to leave. Those bitches.
Hello my darlings. I have returned after a fortnight of gallivanting around the Northern Hemisphere and I have some fresh grievances to bestow upon you regarding a place colloquially known as “Europe.” It was terrible.
Manhattan sunlight streamed in through the blinds, lighting up the small flecks of glitter still dancing in the air from the night before. Someone was knocking at the door. Tap tap tap.
A few months ago, Aston Martin and I got into a little tiff. I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want you to worry.
Some of the most obnoxious bleating I hear from my New York staffers is in regards to the state of the public transportation system. “It’s so laaaaate,” some bawl. “It’s so haaaaawt,” others lament. Why don’t you just drive, then! I swear to God, sometimes the easiest answers are right in front of us.
Honestly, the only thing that kept me from buying the Porsche 911 Turbo S was that fact that it was too cheap. If anything was going to ferry my ass around, it would have to be so exclusive that I would actually want to change pants before I got into it. Porsche hooked me up.
I’m going on vacation, everyone.
Friends, I come to you with a heavy heart, for I am at a loss.
Man. Supercar shopping. What a drag. Walking yourself between the rows and rows of exotic car on display. Exhausting. And for the plebs.
What is more luxurious than killing an animal and then processing its skin to use on furniture, bags, coats, shoes and car interiors? It’s a complete apex predator power move and it’s what makes them animals and us people.
RM Sotheby’s Villa Erba auction: my favorite time of year. Beautiful weather, Italian food, gorgeous views and expensive cars. It’s my scene. Sure, the auction doesn’t start until May 27, but I’ve already had a look at all of the lots. It’s all about who you know, see.
Tax Day has come and gone. And while I was enjoying this hunk of change I just got back from my tax returns, I suddenly felt a rare pang of guilt. Who was I to enjoy all of this money, when there were others in the world who couldn’t?