Earth Materials Are Bullshit So BMW Used Literal Space Rocks to Decorate My M850i
“New Year, New Me” is a phrase most often heard from basic, unimaginative people who can’t pull their shit together for…
None of You Are Invited to Get Trashed on My New Bugatti Champagne
I love parties. You might not think this is true, but I do. I love everything about them: Choosing the space, deciding…
I Pity the Poor Parents Who Can't Afford the 'Mercedes of Baby Carriages'
Not that I would personally ever do so, but I understand why people reproduce. You, utterly pleased with your genetic…
The Rolls-Royce Fabergé Egg Is the Perfect Motivation to Stop Being Poor
Life has been so boring lately. All anyone wants to whine about is the widening gap between the rich and the poor.…
Rolls-Royce Will Finally Let Me Turn the Backseat of My Phantom Into a Personal Opium Den
As I have extensively documented before, riding in cars is extremely difficult for me. Not only do they place the…
If You Have to Sell Your Private Boeing 747 Then You're Not Really Royalty
Royalty is overrated, I tell you. First we have a royal family whose only job seems to be getting married and now we…
My Irish Manor Has a Karting Track Because I Can Do Whatever The Hell I Want
You, a member of the down-trodden proletariat, toil away at your jobs in order to afford basic necessities like alimony…
Why on Earth Would You Morons Think This is My Condo?
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had several emails read to me that were sent from you people, wondering if this new condo…
The Wood in My Bentley Isn't Woody Enough
You know what pisses me off the most? Shitty wood. It’s worse than posers decked out in cubic zirconia and socks…
Here's Me On My Mercedes-Benz Picnic
It’s officially summer and I’m told that the commonfolk start bellyaching for something called a “vacation” during…
Comment Of The Day: Class Differences Edition
Whoever said that all men are created equal was full of shit. All men are not created equal and those differences…
I Am Purchasing A 'City Car'
Summer is upon us once again, which means that I will have to travel to the disgusting cesspool of New York City at…
I Hope My Pal Vladimir Putin Enjoys His New Limousine
I suppose some of you might think I’m a gold-thirsty and heartless monster, but I didn’t ask for this reputation,…
I Can't See, Hear Or Smell Any Of The Poors Thanks To Volvo's New S90 Ambience Concept
As I have laid out to you before, I hate using public roadways. Not only is the plebish threat of traffic a very real…
Honestly, Rolls-Royce Should Have Made The 'Platinum Ghost Collection' Instead
You know what the problem with people today is? Total lack of foresight. Everyone’s so focused on what’s right in front…
I Am A Venture Capitalist Now
I won’t hide my disgust when it comes to Las Vegas; I find it visually offensive. I look away in disgust at all these…
A Year In Class Warfare With Fancy Kristen
I nearly didn’t realize it, but 2017 will be over soon. It’s amazing how fast time passes when you’re thumbing through…
The Premier Gift Guide For People Who Want To Party Like FancyKristen
Hello, darlings. My favorite time of the year is just around the corner and I’m in a festive mood. I’ve just finished…
You People Are All Yapping About iPhones When You Should Be Buying Ferraris
There’s a new iPhone out soon or something? And the people, they are excited about the new device. Why? I myself…