“New Year, New Me” is a phrase most often heard from basic, unimaginative people who can’t pull their shit together for…
I love parties. You might not think this is true, but I do. I love everything about them: Choosing the space, deciding…
Not that I would personally ever do so, but I understand why people reproduce. You, utterly pleased with your genetic…
Life has been so boring lately. All anyone wants to whine about is the widening gap between the rich and the poor.…
As I have extensively documented before, riding in cars is extremely difficult for me. Not only do they place the…
Royalty is overrated, I tell you. First we have a royal family whose only job seems to be getting married and now we…
You, a member of the down-trodden proletariat, toil away at your jobs in order to afford basic necessities like alimony…
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had several emails read to me that were sent from you people, wondering if this new condo…
You know what pisses me off the most? Shitty wood. It’s worse than posers decked out in cubic zirconia and socks…
It’s officially summer and I’m told that the commonfolk start bellyaching for something called a “vacation” during…
Whoever said that all men are created equal was full of shit. All men are not created equal and those differences…
Summer is upon us once again, which means that I will have to travel to the disgusting cesspool of New York City at…
I suppose some of you might think I’m a gold-thirsty and heartless monster, but I didn’t ask for this reputation,…
As I have laid out to you before, I hate using public roadways. Not only is the plebish threat of traffic a very real…
You know what the problem with people today is? Total lack of foresight. Everyone’s so focused on what’s right in front…
I won’t hide my disgust when it comes to Las Vegas; I find it visually offensive. I look away in disgust at all these…
I nearly didn’t realize it, but 2017 will be over soon. It’s amazing how fast time passes when you’re thumbing through…
Hello, darlings. My favorite time of the year is just around the corner and I’m in a festive mood. I’ve just finished…
There’s a new iPhone out soon or something? And the people, they are excited about the new device. Why? I myself…
I know it’s not even November yet, but Christmas is still right around the corner, and it is my absolute favorite…
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