My Hummer recently caused me great embarrassment and shame. This is in addition to the great embarrassment and shame that you already get from merely owning a Hummer.
I’ve decided to devote today’s column to answering a pressing question that many of you have no doubt been asking: what if I live in the middle of a large, crowded, major city, but my automobile of choice is an enormous, gas-guzzling military vehicle?
I recently became acquainted with one of my neighbors. Actually, “acquainted” isn’t really the right term. More like: “anonymously berated for owning and operating a giant yellow Hummer.”
As many of you know, I recently purchased a Hummer. And not one of those H2 or H3 knock-off Hummers that are owned by people who wear football jerseys to church. I mean the hardcore, military-style, original Hummer, which shares its overall aerodynamic profile with a state map of Utah.