Christmas is three days away. Chanukah is over in two. You're lazy, and you're broke, so you haven't gotten any gifts yet. Not any movies, books, games, tasteful items, or really anything else. But we're not here to shame and judge – we're here to help. So here are some ideas, costing less than $25, to help you out, you hot mess.
I'm honestly not really sure what sort of violence you're encountering on your morning commute, but if AAA is putting together a kit for this sort of thing, I'm assuming there's a market. Maybe you work in IT in Somalia, who knows. Anyways, it's got pretty much everything you'd need for light wounds, including bandages, gloves, gauze, and tape, plus you can shove it in your trunk and forget about it until someone else stuck with you in traffic decides to punch a hole through your windshield. ($23.99)
If you manage to suffer injuries on your commute, I'm also going to assume you're on fire, because sometimes cars do that. Grab a pack of two extinguishers you pyromaniac. ($16.85 for two).
In case the giant blaze that has consumed what little remains of your car isn't a warning sign enough, grab some handy road flares. ($23.95)
Ever get into a strange taxi that you're pretty sure isn't a real taxi but it's late and you're drunk and you want to go home and this man who is way too nice is offering to drive you home and you're pretty sure he's got bodies wrapped in vinyl at home and also where the hell did he get these seat covers? Now you know where he got those seat covers. ($11.88)
You can't go wrong with Lego. NOTE: Not a real helicopter. You can't fit inside. ($11.79)
What, you're going to be the type of guy who owns a helicopter, but not have some damn stylish cufflinks? This ain't amateur hour. Though I honestly can't say you can't make your own out of Monopoly game pieces. ($10)
This will come in very handy the day you dedicate your life to traversing the entirety of the lower 48 states, all while pretending the Interstate system doesn't exist in your Ford Model A. Also, pretend that FDR is President, the Great Depression is in full swing, and you're looking forward to fighting in one of the deadliest wars in all of human history. This map is good for things like that. ($14)
This wax kit is great, I'm sure, especially if your car is black. If your car is not black, such as the colors green, blue, red, orange, yellow, purple, bronze, cerulean, brown, white, gray, or really just any color at all that isn't black, this is probably not the product for you. Have you checked out the Lego helicopter? That looks pretty neat. ($14.84)
Connecting your phone to your car's audio system through Bluetooth sucks up a lot of juice. Don't get caught, out in the wilderness of your morning commute, wounded with your burning car and your electronic road flares, only to find you have no way of dialing for help. Get a charger to connect to your car. ($9.89)
Is it weird that *technically* I am a full-grown adult, and yet if someone gave me just one Hot Wheels car I'd be overjoyed? Something about these things conveys unlimited happiness and possibilities. Everything in the world is grand. ($8.99. Yes, $8.99. That's less than a buck a car.)
Your keychain is ugly, so get a new one. Might I suggest this one, featuring the greatest hockey team of all time forever and ever, the New York Islanders? Also, it doubles as a bottle opener. But hey, keychain! And hey, the Islanders! They're doing really well this year, for real this time. Better get on that bandwagon now. Also, keychain. For your car keys. ($7.99)
Photo credit: Joe Loong
Got any other late and inexpensive gift ideas? Drop them in the comments below!