People of Miami, put down your pet crocodiles and be on the lookout for Jeremy Clarkson. He just landed in your city.


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I've lived in Florida my whole life and I've never owned a crocodile. Nor an alligator.

Of course I've also never robbed my neighbor's meth lab at gunpoint while wearing women's lingerie and a Catwoman mask while high on bath salts before wrapping my pickup around a palm tree during a failed getaway while my infant twins crawled around in the truck bed. Maybe I'm not your typical Floridian.