While it's not official that you've been fired from the BBC over recent incidents, you've hinted that your current situation has you constantly looking over your shoulder. That doesn't sound like fun. Come work for us, it'll be a much better experience.
I'll be honest, we may be the biggest enthusiast automotive website in the world but we're not Top Gear. We do not reach into 350+ million homes. However, most of your fans appear to be illegally bittorenting your shows so... they're already on computers. Here's a way to meet your fans where they are.
I may not be able to offer you more money, either, given that Nick Denton's interest in cars lies somewhere below his interest in fully clothed athletes. Our benefits are great (free healthcare, gym reimbursement, free lunch on Wednesdays if you're in New York), but our salary is roughly on par with other web publishers.
What I can offer you is freedom. Glorious freedom. You have money. You have fame. You do not seem to have much freedom to say what you want to say.
I'm also not at all worried about working with you. We asked around about you earlier today and almost every email we've received was about a positive experience someone had when they encountered you. You sound like a swell chap.
But if that doesn't convince you, here are a few things that might sweeten the pot:
- You can drive an actual, vintage Baja Bug whenever you're in New York.
- Ferrari isn't keen on giving us cars, but we're good friends with Jim Glickenhaus. Wouldn't you rather drive the SCG 003? We thought so.
- We're going to start doing more video soon, you like video.
- Your very own Kinja blog on which you can write whatever you want. It'll work correctly like 30 percent of the time!
- Jason Torchinsky will draw a very nice portrait of you.
- We have an RV. You love caravanning, right?
- We won't abandon you in some random country at the end of every season, unless that's what you want.
- We throw great parties.
- Like Budapest? Everyone likes Budapest. We're getting a new office there.
- We're getting a new office here, too. New offices for everyone!
- We can probably get Rutledge Wood to share his beard trimming secrets with you.
- A Jalopnik sticker, WHICH YOU CANNOT BUY.
- Uhh... did I mention the free lunches? The free lunches are great.
- You only have to see Hammond like, maybe, once every two years when he has a show to promote in America.
We have a few mutual friends who have my email. Feel free to have them work as intermediaries to secure a proper agreement. I am not joking. I will hire you.
Contact the author at email@example.com.