If you're reading this it means you've made a wonderful choice or a terrible mistake. Either way, you're here and you're starting to realize it's what you've always wanted from an Internet website. You've found out there are other people just like you. Here are 37 reasons why you should like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter and otherwise read Jalopnik.
1. Jalopnik gives you all the motoring news you need first thing in the morning, every morning.
2. Jalopnik has exclusive stories no one else will run, like the very first reveal of the 2014 Corvette.
3. Because here's some cars currently owned by the Jalopnik staff: a Merkur Xr4Ti, two old VW Beetles (one Baja), a Reliant Scimitar, and a Miata.
4. Because you don't get all emotional when you think about your first dishwasher.
5. Because race car.
6. Your parents never told you, but you were born a car, and we're going to review you.
7. We' ve got real drivers and they'll show you how you can drive so everyone thinks you're amazing, if they don't check too much
8. We've solved crimes! For reals! Cops gave us a plaque and everything!
9. When the autonomous cars get sentient and take over, you'll save some hot guy/girl when you remember something you read on one of our posts
11. You know when you saw just one set of tire tracks on the beach? That's when Jalopnik WAS CARRYING YOU.
12. Because you're one of the 2% of Americans who still know how to drive stick. Or, we're gonna teach you, right now.
14. We're totally not going to tell anyone that you've had sex in your car. Just know that we know.
15. We rescued the Car of The Covenant from the Nazis and brought it back in a crate and now we want you to be there when we open the trunk!
16. We showed you how to steal the Space Shuttle.
17. Because you're the guy with the Subaru 360 and a Renault LeCar. Yeah, you, Jonee. We're WATCHING you.
18. Because Elon Musk answers our emails even when he's super pissed at us, which is, you know, a lot.
19. Our editor really pissed off this Lambo-driving douche.
20. Liking Jalopnik takes up to eleven points off your license (not available in all states)
21. Because you secretly hate your stupid horse.
22. We're not dependent on car company ads, so we can say terrible, terrible things about any car we want.
24. Because your friends are so sick of hearing why you think Vegas were underrated. We want to hear more.
25. When you pray for anything car-related, God forwards those prayers to us.
27. You got through the fifth hour of Lord Of The Rings by imagining which would be better in Mordor, a Land Rover Discovery or a G-Wagen.
28. It's worth being able to talk with people about objects you like that aren't a goddamn smartphone
29. Because you keep having erotic dreams about the Miata from Cars 2 and it would be super-helpful to talk it out with someone.
30. Because your mom, sister, sister's friend, dentist, ornithologist and your ornithologist's brother's dad's boss' locksmith's vet really want your opinion on what car to buy.
31. Because you love the Pontiac Aztek, and you must make them all understand.
33. You live in a van. By choice.
34. You're the CEO of almost any major car company and you're sick of not knowing what the hell is going on.
35. Because you time travelled from the year 2117 and you're going to use Jalopnik to help stop the Great Prius Uprising
36. Because you time travelled from the year 2117 and you're going to use Jalopnik to help start the Great Prius Uprising
37. Because you fucking love cars so much you can feel it right in your goddamn chest.