I know some of you filthy animals are just dying to tell us your best, worst, and funniest coital car adventures. So just post ‘em here already, yeah?

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Since it’s Jalopnik question-of-the-day protocol to kick off the asking with an example I guess I’m sort of obligated to share one whether you want to read it or not...

So this one time my then-girlfriend were steaming up the windows of my family’s Honda Odyssey (first-gen four door) (that’s not relevant to the story but it is awesome) at the end of her long gravel driveway. In my haste and excitement I was just keeping the van stopped with the brake, vehicle in drive.

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Things escalated beyond what we could do in the front and “because VAN” we started scrambling to the back. My foot moved off the brake and the Odyssey started traveling forward.

Now keep in mind; this is a four-thousand-something pound van with an Accord engine on crappy tires in gravel. Forward motion in drive with no throttle input was almost imperceptible... especially for an eighteen year old Andrew seeing boobs for maybe the third time ever.

But the van was moving alright. Up, down, side-to-side, and forward. Slowly, steadily, forward. Until it went face-first into a robust fence with the dullest “thud” that nobody noticed except her dog, who was very vocally excited about this giant machine every-so-gently grinding itself into the driveway. The van only suffered a scratched license plate, my parents never found out until they inevitably read this. Crap.

Your turn, what’s the craziest act of lovemaking you’ve ever done in a vehicle?


Contact the author at andrew@jalopnik.com.

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DISCUSSION

I think I may have shared this story before but I’m sure it’s been a while. So, back when I was in grad school in Monterey my wife-then-girlfriend was going to school in San Francisco. We’d drive back and forth every other weekend to spend time together since it’s not a long drive. At the time I had my trusty old Hilux and one weekend I drove up to get her and we were driving from SF back down to Monterey. Things got a little frisky as they do and I became the proud recipient of some road dome whilst southbound on Highway 1.

I guess my driving became slightly erratic during her “ministrations” and before I knew it I saw the angry red light from a CHP cruiser beckoning me to the side of the road for a little chat. When I said, “Uh oh, looks like I’m getting pulled over” my futurewife popped her head up to look out the back window. Heh. When I pulled over, the chippy ended up being a really feaking pretty one of the female variety. She had this painfully awkward look on her face (actually, they both did) and it was very clear she was completely aware of what was going on. She stood back a ways from the passenger window when she spoke to us and the exchange went something like this:

“Hi Officer, was I speeding?”

“No … you … uh … seemed to be weaving a bit back there ::blushes:: You haven’t been drinking have you?” (said more like confirmation of fact, not a question)

“No, ma’am … I guess I might have been a little … distracted ::glanced at mortified GF for effect::”

“Ok … well … How much farther are you going?”

“Not far at all, just Monterey” (a few more miles down the road)

“Ok … maybe try not to be distracted again until you arrive at your destination, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am” She was already walking back to the cruiser.