A home costs around $500,000. A nice boat costs around $500,000. A Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead costs around $500,000. You have the money to buy one. Which do you get?
(Full Disclosure: Rolls Royce sent us a Phantom Drophead for a weekend. Matt drove people around for a party so they looked like "ballers." I took it to Connecticut's Caffeine and Carburetors, a fine event if you like cars, coffee, and car fans dragging around significant others who clearly want to be in bed.)
As a person with a difficult decision on your hands, there are a lot of things for you to consider for your purchase. Ideally, you'd have an all-rounder. Something that has a place to sleep, room to relax, seafaring abilities, on road comfort, the whole kit and kaboodle.
But none of these are the whole kit and kaboodle. So you need the best compromise, something that gives you the most bang for your $500,000 bucks. Comparing a yacht, a car and a house seems silly until you consider the numerous similarities.
All three have a ton of leather, glass for ages, room to stretch out, an area to relax, great stereo, and other safety and security features that you've come to expect. But which is the best overall buy? There are some parameters we need to look at.
Amazingly, all three are pretty great at this. If sleeping and relaxing is your main priority, then you should probably be buying a house. Homes are usable around the clock, 365 days a year and have dedicated quarters for sleeping. And while some storms can ruin them, they can be rebuilt and a windy, rainy night isn't that much of a hassle.
The same could be said for a yacht, which would have a stateroom with a bed in it, but gets some demerits because it needs to move to be in the best weather and will rock during the night no matter what. That can be uncomfortable.
For such a big car, the Phantom Drophead disappoints in the sleep department. A lack of rear leg room and a seat that isn't long enough to become a bed are your main concerns here. If you choose the Phantom, you'll need to budget for a number of additional expenses in the form of hotel rooms or campsites.
The yacht is the clear winner here, since its sole purpose is to be on water. It should be the most capable of the three in a water-based situation. And the house, well, that isn't meant to move off of a concrete foundation that is located on land. If you place it in water, it will sink. And all of your belongings will be ruined.
But the Phantom? See, that's a yacht for the roads, for the seas of life. And while it will sink in water since it weighs as much as a dying sun, it is the most majestic way to rove the roads of the world. It floats with a grace and ease unlike any other car. Grabbing the steering wheel it feels unmistakably like the front of the car is submerged in water. There is no shudder when it starts up, no discernible head movement, just a push from behind by a gentle, yet stern, giant.
If the house you're looking at has gas heat, then it is easily the worst on MPGs here, considering a home cannot move off its foundation. Close behind it would be the boat, which uses oodles of fuel to go any distance (unless you get a sailboat).
The Roller, which has absolutely no pretense of being an economy car, is somehow the winner here. This is the Chevy Spark in this threesome. It's ironic, since a lot of Phantom owners probably tow a Spark along as their dinghy so they can get closer to the Restoration Hardware if they actually decide to go in.
On Road Performance
The yacht really falls behind here, considering contact with land causes it to break. Homes in this price range (we're not including any sort of mobile home in this) are also of the immobile variety.
The Roller, on the other hand, is supremely comfortable. The most amazing part is just how it feels at speed. You can be going 100 MPH in this behemoth, and it's not intimidating. It's so insulated, even with the top down, that you don't feel as if you're actually traveling in the triple digits. It's more like the sails are up and the breeze is what's motivating your motion along the road.
For those of you that prefer pooping on the roadside or in a field, then the Rolls Royce is perfect for you. Even though it costs $568,000, it does not come with a commode.
The yacht and house, on the other hand, both have full on rooms for you to poop in (hell, boats have an entire deck dedicated to poop). No looking undignified here.
All three have highs and lows. The yacht and the home will have bigger TVs, but it's doubtful they'll have more comfortable seating, plusher carpets, or a better stereo than the Rolls Royce. While it's brilliant at classical music, it'll begrudgingly play grunge rock for you, too.
And seriously. These carpets. Holy crap. If you could only choose one surface to touch for the rest of your life, the carpets in the Rolls Royce should be your choice. They're softer than a melted marshmallow and more comfortable than a Jello bed. They're indescribably wondertastic.
As an all around option, it's hard to beat a yacht. It can go from place to place and has basically all the required comforts of a home. It just cowers at the mention of land.
The home is the best to live in (duh. You're not stupid). It's also the worst on the road or in the water. So if you don't plan on going long distances, the house is your best choice.
That brings us to the Rolls Royce. It doesn't have a bed. It doesn't have a television. It doesn't have a terlet. You can't prepare food in it (other than engine block eggs. If you can keep those down, you'll be sitting pretty). You'll need a number of hotel rooms if you decide to buy one, mainly for shitting and sleeping purposes.
I could now start saying how magical a Rolls-Royce is and how it's unlike any other driving experience. That's all true, but waxing poetic doesn't get you a bed or a pooper. The level of opulence in a $500,000 house or yacht won't match the gloriousness of a $500,000 Rolls Royce, but it will beat it in terms of the necessities of life.
So, in this automotive comparison test, we have to recommend you become a gypsy and live at sea or purchase a house close to public transportation.
Or just buy a Rolls, wear a captain's hat, and become the envy of every drifter in the world.