This Is How Motorcycle Reviews Are Supposed To Be Done

Illustration for article titled This Is How Motorcycle Reviews Are Supposed To Be Done

I wanted to take a minute and apologize to you all. This morning we posted my Ducati Monster 1200 R review which, upon writing it, I felt pretty good about. But then I watched this and realized the error of my ways. I hope you all can forgive me and I vow to do better.

Not only will I do better personally as a motorcycle reviewer, but I also promise to pick better bikes to review. Sure, Ducati’s most powerful naked or the Yamaha R1 are decent bikes, but neither has pillion pegs formed from Thor’s hammer, radar gun resistant rear blinkers, or nitrous.

You have my word, that I promise to start riding 600 horsepower motorcycles in Adidas sweat pants. I promise to extend more swing arms and use more chainsaw parts on my bikes. I promise to add more spoilers and do more things for weight reduction, bro. I vow to ride more things that are practically racing inspired. Most importantly, I promise not to shift until 13,000, because fucking race bike.

(Yes, we know this video was not created seriously and that it was done by the genius over at Muscle vs. Tuner)

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“Aftermarket pegs forged out of Thor’s hammer so I can fit fat bitches on when I can’t get any decent pussy.” Crying... absolutely crying in laughter.