If your relatives insist on having the traditional turkey dinner, skip the cheesy deep-fryer and don’t bother trying to be cute by wrapping bird parts around your puny road car’s exhaust. What you need is a jet truck.
This is the 12,000-horsepower Flash Fire jet truck. As you can see, it rules.
The turkey is suspended by a rod that holds it at some distance away from the mouth of the jet, and held down in the jet’s fiery blast by a chain.
Perhaps they need to research beefier methods for securing the turkey, but I’d call this bird well done.