We’ve already told you how bad the New York City subway is, but apparently the system itself is doubling down on how bad it can truly be. Because U2, yes that U2, the band that only old marketing executives think The Kids Like These Days, just played a set in the subway.

U2 was there because they were marketing something with Jimmy Fallon. What the fuck else do you think they’d be there for. If anyone who was there and witnessed it then took the time to stick their head underneath a train’s moving wheels, it would be completely and wholeheartedly understandable.

Busking is a time-honored tradition in New York City, previously reserved only for the great and the very annoying. And the subway was really just bad in a slightly inconvenient way before, but this is malicious. It’s an insult to everyone who has ever set foot in New York and engaged its transportation systems, and that includes the Lenape American Indians who were here before everyone else and only got around on their own two feet. U2 is so, so, remarkably, incredibly bad. On the list of bad things that could happen to you in the subway, you have:

5. Getting masturbated upon

4. Getting stabbed

3. Getting mugged

2. Getting killed to death by a moving train

1. Seeing U2

In that order. Because if you were masturbated upon, stabbed, mugged, and then killed by a moving train, you would at least be dead, and you wouldn’t have to see U2.

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U2 is the worst.

Photo credit: Celebrity chef Mario Batali


Contact the author at ballaban@jalopnik.com.

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