The Lincoln Motor Company, which installs leather seats and mustache-shaped grilles onto SUVs made by Ford, has hired Matthew McConaughey to be its new spokesman. And curiously, their ads are even more True Detective-esque than we could have ever imagined.

But can't they go even further than that? Can't Lincoln go more True Detective than just TV commercials where McConaughey stares at a bull and rattles off vaguely Rust Cohle-ish quotations?

I think so. And to help the Lincoln Motor Company out, I have made these helpful print ads for the 2015 Lincoln MKC with some of my favorite True Detective-isms. No, they aren't nice quotes, because True Detective isn't a nice show and Rust Cohle is fun to watch on TV but isn't someone you would ever want to hang out with in real life.

You're welcome, Lincoln Motor Company. You're welcome.

Feel free to cook up your own in the comments.

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