GM To Announce "Important Changes" On Friday; We Offer Our Guesses

Illustration for article titled GM To Announce Important Changes On Friday; We Offer Our Guesses

General Motors, fresh off a 45% October sales drop and the possible sale of ACDelco, will announce "important changes" this Friday. Loudly gulping employees are supposed to get the news from CEO Rick Wagoner at 11:00 a.m., which probably means that it'll leak out sometime late Thursday. We don't know for sure what the changes will be, but we assume it has something to do with pensions, 401ks, layoffs and plant closures. But because we don't want to alarm people, we've compiled a list of slightly less-depressing "important changes" GM might be considering. Possible Important Changes

  • In order to save money, GM will now stop offering Heinz Fancy Ketchup packets in employee lunchrooms; workers will now be forced to share jars of Hunts
  • GM plans on putting its company jet up for sale on eBay
  • Tiger Woods as new CEO
  • Joining the Pontiac G8 ST will be the Pontiac G5 ST, G3 Wave ST and Buick LaCrosse ST
  • They're going to stop making cars
  • GM will be merging with Ford Chrysler Tesla Motors!

Any thoughts? [Source: Detroit News]

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Rob Emslie

There will be no plant closures, however the following plants will no longer be heated, illuminated or have working restrooms . . .