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Just when you thought the world couldn't get any trashier, the Church of Scientology will debut their foray into stock car racing in the 909 area code with a Dianetics-themed vehicle. Cole Trickle devotees will no doubt wanna make the pilgrimage. As for the rest of us? We think we're gonna try to be out of Los Angeles this weekend, because this sort of confluence can only mean the Big One's gonna hit. Either that or Ignignokt and Err will finally get the Quad Laser working in a speedy manner and obliterate the place. And we really don't wanna be caught in a rain of watery-eyed noveau-hillbilly parts that the blast and/or air currents might somehow carry to west to Pedro. [Thanks to Bumbeck for the dire warning.]

It's Vroomsday! Scientology Revs Up for NASCAR [Internal]

Cruise on Self-Destructo Bust [Internal]