In Nissan’s imagined future, where Amazon’s Alexa and Nissan cars function as one, you’d scream at the innocuous little cylinder sitting in your house, “ALEXA! ASK NISSANCONNECT SERVICES TO UNLOCK MY ROGUE!” And then your car would unlock itself.

You’d better speak with perfectly neutral American English, too. Or else Alexa won’t be able to understand you and it. Will. Ruin. Your. Life. I’ve never cursed my slight Jersey drawl more.

I should be more thankful, though, since I’m not in The English Guy’s position.

Life just ain’t fair.