With us unable to get our weekly fix of Top Gear due to the dang-blasted turbo-rammin' soccer thing going on in East Germany, we're forced to trawl the internets in a manner usually reserved for PR0N episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But oh wait, what have we found in the archives YouTube? Why — could it be the one man who can give Jeremy a run for his money? Why yes, it's the infamous Simon Cowell. Enjoy.

More Top Gear [internal]