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Sure, why not name your genetically-gifted child after the bloodiest episode up to that point in American history? A skirmish in which the first Grand Wizard of the KKK grabbed a Union solider, yanked him up onto his horse and used him as a human shield to race back through the line. Meanwhile, U.S. Grant, who looked just like our pal Mike's Klansman neighbor Mister Somerville, was hobbling around on crutches aboard a gunboat. Oh, and Dodge is super-proud of their ad placement in the latest issue of People, having scored a deal to get three pages of paid ink in the midst of the story of the spawn of Brangelina. We're gonna go back to writing about the War of Northern Aggression now.

Ad Watch: Dodge's Higher Caliber Of Viral Video โ€” Shoots Bear In Face, Eats Pig [Internal]