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Dear Mister Clarkson. We know you don't like America. We know you like wingback chairs. You're a proud provincialist who actually had an S-Class built with a woodburning stove. Little England is your thing, and you're awfully proud of it. We bet you even have those infernal sinks with one tap for cold and one tap for hot. And yet, as a motorist, you pledge fealty to a country run and regulated by Gatsos. Ah, what the hell. We have an irrational love for California and Texas, which, along with Florida, are probably two of the three most insane states in the Union. Still, in our experience, Britain's no less a police state than the US, and when it comes to driving, it's even more the case. Carp at us all you want, just continue to be funny about it. [Thanks to Mark and Stephan for the tip.]

The united states of total paranoia [Times, UK]

Clarkson Goes Vannin', Decides Not to Keep On Doing So [Internal]