Blip: The Orb, She Comes, She Comes!

Illustration for article titled Blip: The Orb, She Comes, She Comes!
Illustration: Opel/GM

“Gaaaaaah! Mom, dad, the orb, she comes, she comes! The red orb of K’Nath! She’s flying, fast, and she’s so very red! Start the car! START THE CAR!”

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Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!: https://rb.gy/udnqhh)

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DISCUSSION

A couple things:

1. I remember getting really detailed and complex maps in Europe pre-GPS.

2. Getting one of those maps to open properly and not rip and then getting it to refold without turning into a wad of paper is a skill I had to learn.

3. Dad isn’t going to be able to refold this map correctly after getting nailed with the ball to the back of the head.

4. The only thing redder than the ball will be the boy’s rear after Dad is done with him for intentionally throwing a ball at the back of his head while Dad is trying to figure out the map.

5. Yes, the girl threw it, but she’s going to lie about that and will be believed.

6. If you haven’t seen it yet, Mom knows where to go.   She’s already talked to someone and has detailed directions, but Mr. He-man-I-Can-Read-a-Map is creating enough family drama to last for TWO 20 minute shows.