Blip: Look, Let's All Just CALM DOWN

Illustration for article titled Blip: Look, Let's All Just CALM DOWN
Illustration: Holden

Oh dude, are you boned. That little girl is clearly pissed, and there’s no way you’re going to talk your way out of this one. She’s probably in charge of managing Holden traffic or something. Whatever kids do. Also, that hand gesture isn’t going to placate anyone. It’s just going to be a target for that dog that will distract you while she leaps for the throat. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, dude.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!:


Look at mom being all proud of her daughter for standing up to her husband.

Dad ended up with a Morano after the divorce. Gold chain, visible greying chest hair, the works. Most of his actual spending cash went to cocaine and not child support. After several stints in prison during the 80s, he ended up in an an unmarked grave after using heroin he didn’t actually pay for in high enough quantities to forget to hide from the original ownership group.

Mom stuck with this wagon for a while, and then remarried a guy with enough money to get something nicer. They divorced 15 years later when he ran off with a secretary. She’s currently living well in a retirement home since her 2nd husband still had her in his will when he died in Thailand due to a massive heart attack.

Little Susie did get her Pony she wanted after her new daddy ran over Scruffy with his Benz. New Daddy also sent her to a series of boarding schools, which never worked out. There is still no conclusive evidence on the cause of the fire that burned down the last one. She currently drives a F-150 which she uses to pull a horse Trailer for Scruffy the 8th and Scruffy the 9th. She also has Corolla that she took the keys to after Mom got too old to drive safely.