Here at Jalopnik, we bring you stories from across the globe, from the Nürburgring to the Baja to Colombia and Sicily. But arguably no other place brought us (and you) as much joy as Florida, the largest hotbed of wackiness in these United States. Here are our favorites this year.

Florida, you're a beautiful and scenic place, but some of your people are extremely questionable, to put it nicely. Meth use, public masturbation, police chases on golf courses, foreign objects inserted into anuses, and exotic car crashes were all but a small sampling of the local flavor we got a taste of in 2012.


Here's to another year of Floridian insanity, and making Texas look good by comparison.

Florida Meth Dealer Offers Woman A Ride, Then Masturbates In Front Of Her

What is it about Florida that makes people want to masturbate all the time? If I were a palm hair removal cream salesman, I know where I'd concentrate my efforts. More »

Florida Police Stop Man Driving With A Sign Lodged In His Head

Leslie Richard Newton was pulled over in Florida last night for driving his grey Camaro with a traffic sign in his head. Yes, embedded in his head.
The 63-year-old struck a traffic sign and continued driving, though a piece of the sign broke through his car's t-top and into his head. More »

God Tells Woman to Go 100 MPH And Lay On Horn Because Florida

Oh, Florida. Sweet, sweet Florida. You give and give and give. This time you've given us a 41-year old loon who insists that God was telling her to go 100 MPH in a 30 MPH zone and hold down her horn for 10 seconds straight.
The 41 year old Floridian (a term derived from the Spanish word for... More »

Woman Wrecks Car While Shaving Pubes In, Duh, Florida

I bet within the decade neurologists will discover some evolutionary quirk of the human brain that causes wildly erratic behavior when the brain is surrounded by water on three sides. More »

These Floridians Were Arrested In A Rolling Meth Lab

When a Florida sheriff's deputy pulled someone over for not wearing his seatbelt, he found much more amiss than the man's failure to use a safety restraint.
The motorist and his two passengers were riding in a rolling meth lab, and were even in the midst of cooking up a batch when the law spotted... More »

This Drunk Florida Man Led Cops On A Chase Through A PGA Golf Course

There once was a dream called Florida. Then someone spiked the water supply with something that would make lots of people do really silly shit.
Take this latest Floridaism, in which Kenneth Gonzalez, 21, passed out drunk in his parked car and then bolted when the cops arrived to wake him up. More »

Postal Service Begs Floridians To 'Please Stop Crashing Into Post Offices'

Even the U.S. Postal Service thinks Floridians are bonkers. This year alone, there have been eight completely unrelated incidents where someone crashed a car into a post office. More »

Drunk Driver Refuses Sobriety Test Because He ‘Done Seen It On The Mythbusters'

When Dustan Carpenter was pulled over in Fort Pierce, Florida, his speech was slurred, he had bloodshot eyes, and he couldn't keep his balance. He then told his soon-to-be arresting officer he's "not taking no sobriety test, I done seen it on the Mythbusters."
According to a recently released... More »

This Man Was Arrested For Driving While Masturbating With A Toy Gun In His Butt

A St. Lucie County, Florida man was caught masturbating while driving yesterday, and employing a toy gun in novel ways.
Robert Casey, 49, appears to be a creative and advanced-level onanist, employing techniques most of us can scarcely imagine, as the toy gun tied to his leg would indicate. More »

Drivers Stop To Watch This Florida Woman Masturbate Along Highway

For over half an hour last Sunday night, drivers on Highway 484 in Ocala, Florida watched Ashley Holton masturbate on the side of the road. They pulled illegal U-turns to watch and honked, only encouraging her. More »

This Man Rear-Ended Another Car With A Sex Toy In His Ass

A 41-year-old man was arrested last Friday in Florida for rear-ending another vehicle. He had a blood-alcohol content over five times the legal limit. More »

Hat tip to tetsu_no_usagi!

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