Like a Lovecraftian horror, today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe contender - dubbed the Vipette - defies description. Its price on the other hand, is relatable, but will it give you nightmares?

There are certain things that are ingrained as American through and through, and none more so than that icon of dubbya-dubbya two victory and rugged back country accessibility, the Jeep. Unfortunately for the seller of yesterday's 1989 LT-1-powered Jeep Grand Wagoneer, most of our patriotism and national pride has been outsourced, and that burly wagon was only able to pick up a 62% Crack Pipe loss. Apparently Uncle Sam doesn't want you, Mr. Jeep.

One of the things that has made America great is the unfettered opportunity for innovation and individual expression. That has given us such breakthroughs as the transistor, the French Dip sandwich, and Jack Asses, parts one, two and three. It has also engendered an environment where such individualistic asseveration of automotive articulation as today's offering, the Vipette can exist.

Created from what looks like a 4-door edition of the body on frame GM G-platform, this El Camino-like beast is nearly impossible to fully describe using word-thingys, making pictures mandatory. That's the likely reason the ad is so bereft of detail - 350 engine, slusher, power dingleberries. It could be damn-near anything considering the ubiquity of SBC hookups - it being the sluttiest of all of GM's daughters - but as the pictures will prove, there can be but one Vipette.


This custom. . . er, well . . . geez, trying to pin this thing down is sort of like explaining how to get it on with an octopus, there's just no right way. Like I said, it looks like a G-body, or precedent A-edition was the starting point, before it had things done to it. I'm basing that guess on the door and windscreen which have the boxy appearance of GM's late ‘70s- ‘80s mid-size offering. The rest of the car-cum-truck has been sculpted without consideration of straight edges or an artificial limit to the number of scoops and swoops one vehicle may posssess. Overall, while unique, its shape is not hugely off-putting, but its looks do imply that it better have one hell of a personality.

While the body is passable, the paint atop it is polarizing. The white isn't so bad, but there are so many black accents that it looks like a frat boy who passed out at a party and received a sharpie makeover by his ‘friends.' I wouldn't be at all surprised to see a grotesque representation of wrinkly balls and shlong doodled on the car's hood, pointed toward its grille opening, or a picture of the car surrounded by a bunch of hairy asses.

There are none such, nor are there any pics of the interior, nor any description of condition or modification, meaning that part of the car will remain a surprise until the test drive. That opportunity will also allow for determination of how the customization has affected handling, braking, and how much people point and stare at you while driving down the street. This being offered in Brodhead, Kentucky, a wide spot on highway 150 south-east of Louisville, perhaps its presence is no longer a notable source of amazement.


Something that might be deemed amazing is the fact that this expression of indiviuality is now being offered to the public at large, with the expectation not only that its unique appearance might have universal appeal, but that it may be worth a cool $11,500. When your child brings home from kindergarten a watercolor of bunnies under a smiley face sun, you put it on the refrigerator door and marvel at the talent expressed, no matter how unpracticed, and are inwardly thankful it's not a picture of Satan defiling virgins. That work of art is of personal value to you, and may be treasured for years, but you wouldn't attempt to market it to others, the vast majority of the planet's population being unlikely to appreciate your child's choice of subject matter or pre-nap visual aesthetic.

That's kind of the case here, as while the work appears, at a glance, commendable, it's obviously been created without contemplation of of the fancies of others, and as such, even a supply of one may exceed its demand. Those of you who stayed awake through Econ 101 will know that the supply/demand curve is price dependant, and in this case, overcoming weak demand will require setting an attractive price. What do you think, does that $11,500 price tag makes this Vipette a beautiful thing, or if that's just an ugly-ass price?

You decide!

Lexington Luthor Craigslist or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to handless Peter for the hookup!

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