In August, Keanu Reeves gave his seat in the subway up to some lady with a bag. Now the internet is awash in praise.
This is because Keanu Reeves became a meme back in 2010 after a picture of him sitting on a bench, glumly eating a sandwich went viral, so now whenever he does anything it becomes a Thing on the internet and is voted to the front page of the massive link-sharing community Reddit, just like this four-month-old video of Keanu Reeves offering up his seat to woman.
And because Reddit has become the place for old fuddy-duddy media (and some blogs—ahem) to figure out what The Internet Is Talking About Now, the video has been picked up by CBS News . Today Show producers are likely tracking down the woman who recorded the video, and the woman Keanu gave the seat to, and the guy sitting next to Keanu, and the conductor of the train to secure exclusive interviews with the latest Viral Video Stars. The Gregory Brothers are firing up their Auto-Tune for the official song Keanu Reeves Subway Song, while bored office workers use MemeGenerator to create ALL CAPS TEXT OVERLAYS they will put on Facebook to confuse their parents.
Next week we'll see the first Arm and Hammer viral YouTube commercials that reference Keanu Giving Up His Seat. These, too, will be voted to the front page of the Reddit by users enraged that Arm and Hammer would try to capitalize so crassly on Keanu's benevolence. The hacktivist group Anonymous will post the phone number and address of the the actress who plays the lady Keanu gives his seat up to in the ads, and they'll send 1,000 dildos ordered from Amazon to her house, and leak the names of all the entrants in Arm and Hammer's Fresh Smile 2011 Giveaway. The actress from the ads will appear on the Today Show to talk about the horrible cyberbullying that resulted from her sudden fame, and she, too will become a meme: Sad Toothpaste Woman.
Sensing a branding opportunity, Arm and Hammer will arrange for a "toothpaste summit" between Keanu Reeves and the Sad Toothpaste Woman. A picture from the summit where Keanu and Sad ToothPaste Woman are shaking hands will be posted to BuzzFeed, whose editors will photoshop pieces of sushi on top of their heads, because, why not? The Today Show breaks the news about the hot new internet craze: "Sushiing." Arm and Hammer becomes the world's best-selling brand of toothpaste, and Sad Toothpaste Woman moves to a remote village in Kazakhstan to escape her viral nightmare. On the first day she encounters a young woman in a small grocery story. She is wearing overstock Sad Toothpaste Woman t-shirt from BustedTees, donated by a U.S. NGO. Sad Toothpaste Woman throws herself off a nearby cliff, which is captured by an amateur photographer and posted to YouTube, and voted to the front page of Reddit etc. etc. etc.