A guide on how to survive a plane crash should always begin with the sage advice: "Don't even think about getting on an airplane." Minneapolis native Katie Hearney's 20-step quasi-service piece for The Awl, an artisanal Gawker fan-site, does just that.

The rest of the steps are equally useful and applicable to surviving an actual aircraft crash. Especially gripping your armrests very tightly.

Also, don't fly. We just can't emphasize that one enough.

Image Credit: Fox Movies