To promote/remind Americans about this weekend's Indianapolis 500, the league sent its drivers on a whirlwind tour today, which meant Danica Patrick had to brave the observation deck of the Empire State Building, looking a little cold and frightened. Whether its heights or 230 mph race cars, our fears come in many forms, such as what Racecar spelled backwards fears is a contagious disease based on Sunday's video of a flame-belching Porsche:
This is the first documented evidence that the FTV (Florida Turnsignal Virus) infection has jumped from its original population. Once thought to attack only full size American sedans (bluehairus early birdus specialis) it is now observed infecting a distant species, namely the air-cooled turbocharged sports car (Teutonicus drysumpus Porscheana majorbuxis). The primary symptoms appear in the host vehicle without its driver being aware. The secondary symptoms are temporary: confusion, followed by mumbling, shouting, gesticulation - and often, forehead slapping - and are presented by the drivers of nearby vehicles. It precedes terminal dementia in the driver of its host organism but seldom causes long term negative effects among the secondary sufferers with the exception of a morbid fear of aging. There is no known cure and no major fundraising efforts to address FTV.