A 19-year-old man in Ann Arbor, Michigan killed four ducklings by running over them with his Hummer, apparently as an act of vengeance against the employees of a McDonalds who act as caretakers of the duck family.

According to reports, Dillon Pearce was waiting to pick up his food when he noticed the ducklings walking across the parking lot and attempted to pick one up. The employees asked Pearce to stop. This apparently offended him, so he drove around the parking lot and crushed four of them beneath his wheels.

The employees called police and they found Pearce at a gas station (where else?). Truly an awful activity followed up by local news reporting so ridiculous you'd almost feel bad for the kid if he wasn't a fuzzy duck-murdering creep.

First there's the quote from a college student who says "I think it SOUNDS LIKE A TYPICAL HUMMER OWNER TO ME." Yes, get it? Because the average Hummer owners IS A PSYCHOPATH. As if someone in a Saturn Ion would somehow be incapable of doing this.

Then there's the blurry photo of a crushed duck THEY CAN'T SHOW YOU. And then the feigned surprise that McDonalds WON'T LET THEIR EMPLOYEES TALK. Finally, the best part: a quote from PETA about how people who harm animals — like this 19-year-old creep — are on an FBI list somewhere because they often graduate to HARMING CHILDREN!


The kid's in jail. He's been charged with a felony. He needs therapy, certainly, and if it happened like employees described they should never let him drive anything larger than a bike. But you want to know how the country really feels about this? Just look at the background of the live shot.

Car-after-car-after-car filling up on McNuggets and McCafe flavored iced coffee beverages. You know why? Because all this outrage is fake. No one really cares. If they'd have been four pretty white college girls, maybe, but otherwise it's all theater.