Sure, for most of humanity, watching a shiny man in short shorts bounce around on a leftover set from "Friday the 13th" while bad covers of '60s music drones on in the background could double as torture. But give it to Mr. Milton Teagle Simmons — he knows how to get big people moving. Also, having to watch this clip is my punishment for breaking a Jalopnik COTD rule and noting observations on the shimmying hips of the big boys at Toyota and Microsoft as they build an OnStar competitor by one Spiegel:

Man: Hello ToyStar? Yes I'd like to report an accident, please call an ambulance, my leg is bleeding badly and—

Operator: Yes Mr. Hernandez we have your information on file, but before we get into that, have you tried Microsoft's Bing search engine? It is a revolutionary search index that can search faster and much more safely than our competitors.

Man: What the hell are you talking about woman?! I AM LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD!

Operator: And speaking of blood, True Blood airs Fridays @ 10 pm on HBO, Bing has exclusive back stage access so you can talk to the stars of the show!

Man: blood...lost....much...call...amberlamps...

Operator: You enjoy amber lamps? Well with Bing shopping we can find the perfect one for you! Just look at this Meyda Tiffany Amber Mica Accent Lamp being sold for $95. Act now and Bing can save you an extra 5%!

Man: *silence*

Operator: Sir? Are you still there? Maybe you went to check out our incredibly cool new search engine Bing! I appreciate you calling ToyStar and have a nice day.

*click*