"The point is you've reached the point of no return!" Tura Satana didn't have much to work with in "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" but she made the most of what should have been just another drive-in slop. Satana, who died last week at the age of 72, did her own stunts, and generally menaced the movie into cult greatness. Jip1080 had a vision for another kind of entertainment, based on the start-up of Top Gear's China edition:
"Chinese cars are not known for their quality or safety. Your challenge is to take 30 Renminbi and buy a car from a chinese company. With what you have left over you will add whatever safety you can."
Won was the first to arive. He'd bought a BYD. It was beige. "It only cost 15 Renminbi. I was able to stuff mine with 33 cushioning children! It is the safest car in the wuurrrrrld"
Chen came next in his Dongfang.
Won: "Look, Chen has bought a wang of a car!"
Chen: "It is not a wang, it is a Dong!"
Finally Jong showed up. He'd bought a Volvo.
Chen: "How much did you pay for that???"
Jong: "32 Renminbi. I had to sell the airbag to an American to afford enough cushioning children to make it safe!"
(cut to Rutledge Wood: "I gawt this 'er airbag fer cheap from a little chinaman! I'ma put it in my roadmaster!" Roadmaster suddenly blows up.)
The fourth member of the team was detained for looking at a western car site and hasn't been heard from since.
"Intersection control in China is gloriously free, like our people. But some dissidents do not understand the glorious transportation system and crash into the hard working people of this great land! Since the cars have been tricked out with the latest crash protection in the form of your glorious republic labor children, you will play 30kph Conkers. The person with the last car still running wins the round."
Chen and Jong were up first.
Won: They're up to speed, heading right for each other!
Won: "HARHARHARHARHAR! They both burst into frames!"
(A yellow stig runs away in the background, is shot from behind by chinese military tank, yellow stig keeps running)
Won: "We have a Top Gear Top Tip: If you want a safe car, don't buy a Volvo, buy a BYD with 33 cushioning children! And on that bombshell, good night!"