I've actually met Toby Keith and he came off as kind of a cool guy. This isn't star-goggles as I've met plenty of famous people I didn't like (a horrible horrible person I'll just call Tatch Tadams, for instance). We made fun of him, a lot, but he seemed to take in stride and even posted a link on his website to us making fun of him. When we bumped into him at the Detroit Auto Show he, unlike most invited celebs (looking at you Brian Adams), just hung out to chat with people. So we do choose Ash's on-the-nose comment about the Chevy Impala recall, but we want to let you know that Toby Keith isn't maybe a bad guy.

"Dear Impala buyer,

We at GM thank you for allowing us to continue to stretch out an old, tired, and uncompetitive car for another couple years.

You may have noticed the rest of our lineup has changed drastically over the past few years, winning awards and comparisons from a traditionally very critical media. These changes have been phenomenally expensive, funded in part by taxpayer loans, but we feel the payoff has been worth the effort.

However, GM needs more customers like you—people willing to ignore competing vehicles, complain ignorantly about lack of space, howl jingoistically about foreign cars based on 30- to 50-year-old stereotypes, and purchase our Impalas for twice what they're probably worth.

So, dear customer, because you were so willing to overpay for your Impala, we would like to cordially invite you to BELTFEST 2010, with free hot dogs, seat belt replacements, and live music from Toby Keith. It's the least we can do to say thank you to our most valuable longstanding customer—the ones who have stuck by us through thick and thin, ignoring every single metric about our cars and our company structure in the process.

Sincerely,
The Team at General Motors

PS - Thank you for including the self-addressed stamped envelopes, without which this invitation would never have reached you.