There was a show on NBC I suspect was meant to be the next Friends but turned out to be the next South Of Sunset — a show so bad it was canceled during its first episode. It was your typical story about a group of young, single NYCers trying to get through life with only their never-mentioned jobs, gigantic apartments, and unrealistic good looks. The twist, in this case, was that each episode was book-ended in a story about the main character answering questions (100 of them) about her life for a matchmaking service. The questioner was black and clearly gay, meaning the show could be free to be nothing but boring white people (and an Asian!). It was bad, so bad. They cut the order from 13-to-6 episodes and let it die in the summer. Hopefully, they won't cancel the Alfa Giuletta, but Spiegel1 has a few interesting questions for Sergio.

Dear Sergio,

Do they have strip clubs in Italy? Ever been in one? They sure are fun eh? A young lady rubbing against your flabby italian body, telling you sweet nothings in your ear whilst you place a 500,00 Lyra bill down her G-string.

You get a boner and guess what...you can't do jack shit with it. That my friend is what we call having the "blue balls" which is a consequence of your sweet, sweet lady of the night being a "cock tease". This is american lingo, if you want to succeed in America, you're going to have to learn it.

Now what you're doing here is exactly that. You (from now on being known as the "cocktease") are giving me, the consumer an immeasurable amount of blue balls. My testicles are so blue you'd think Smurfette blew me.

Why do you do this to me? Whatever it is, I am sorry and I hope to never do it again. Bad spiegel, no taco pizza for you! See? I truly am sorry.

Now can we get past this and help me get rid of my blue balls?

Your ol' fratello,

Spiegel1.