Last night I got into a long discussion with someone about famous people we've met and whether or not they were actually cool. For instance, Larry Bird is apparently not cool but Magic Johnson is completely cool. Stan Lee is cool, Spike Lee is cool but a little gruff, and the real Patch Adams is a gigantic asshat. These probably aren't fair judgments since most of these observations come from meeting someone once, but they're better than the random opinions people form about celebs they'v never met... except for Spiegel1's great riff on Tom Cruise in the post about it possibly raining oil in Louisiana.

Hello unbelievers, my name is Tom Cruise, son of Xenu.

Today I come to you with a patent that I bought while in the set of Mission Impossible 2.

It uses my e-meter in order to power the machine that is able to sift through the clouds picking up all the oil, birds, airliners, etc and cleaning the clouds, making them children of our great lord Xenu.

I have pleaded with BP to take a look at my machine, but I have been rejected, over and over. I've ran hundreds of miles in order to make them understand but sadly, it has not worked.

I ask our non believer president Obama to force BP to look at my Scientology cloud oil remover machine and buy at least 30 of them.

Thank you, and may lord Xenu be with you.