I try not to be surprised when I see professional athletes and their weirdo investment ideas, but I'm still a little shocked when the majors don't provide a higher level of financial guidance to individuals who often leap from poverty into extreme wealth. I mean, anyone who listens to financial advice from Lenny Dykstra clearly needs some sort of help. One of my favorites is when a player is encouraged to invest in a depreciating asset with no possible return on investment like an expensive but not completely exclusive car like a Bentley. It's this sort of lack of fiscal sophistication that makes people like Scott Rothstein and his followers theoretically rich and then suddenly not. Thankfully, our own OA5599 has a better plan.
The problem with Ponzi schemes is that they over-promise and under-deliver. There is no way that you can legitimately sustain taking in, say, a million dollars in investments and returning $1.5 mil in a short time. When the investors find out their money is gone, the scheme unravels.
I plan on starting a different type of un-Ponzi scheme. For every million bucks you invest with me, I'll eventually give you back $850,000. I'll use the other $150K to buy nice things for myself. The plan will remain solvent from dollar one. No surprises, no disappointment that all your money has gone bye-bye. At any time you'll be able to cash out at 85 cents on the dollar (less my fee, of course). That might not seem like a great bargain for some people, but compared to the ROI for Madoff or the Antigua guy, it is quite a sound investment.
I plan on closing the fund to new investors after I reach a billion dollars in assets. Act now so you aren't left out.
Where do I send a check?
Photo Credit: Geek & Poke