The completely random "Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals" sketch on Saturday Night Live prompted a bit of showdown between Wahlberg and Andy Samberg, with Wahlberg half-heartedly joking to punch Samberg in his nose but eventually coming on the show the next week. It speaks to the power of impressions when they're simple and repetitive — a la Chevy Chase constantly falling down as President Ford or Dana Carvey spastically waving his arms as President George Bush Sr. So is Mark Wahlberg actually a jerk or was it just a setup? Who knows. But ProfessorSlowmobile thinks he'd drive a lame exotic like the Maybach 62 Landaulet.

The Maybach 62 is a $400,000 car even chauffeurs are embarrassed to be seen in. A pile of DaimlerChrysler AG surplus parts draped in more decadence than Caligula, something only a complete and utter c*ck with more money than sense would be seen in the back of. Mark Wahlberg has one, for example.

The Maybach 62 Landaulet (seen above) is a perverse, $1,350,000 variant that peels the top back, exposing the reeking souls of its occupants like so many spoiled sardines. Being seen in the 62 Landaulet doesn't just say, "I'm a total c*ck," it says, "I'm a total c*ck and I want all of you to see my stupid c*ck face. I want to be recognized and remembered for how much more money than you I have." It is, quite simply, a rolling symbol of everything that's wrong with the human race.

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You can say "cock."