Wow, you look different. So, uh, how's things? You're not dating anyone? The facelift looks great! You had barrel-reduction surgery? Wow, it — um, yeah. No, you look great! Hey, how'd you find my apartment again?

Lady Traffic Barrel Monster here was spotted on I-35 just south of Kansas City. She's apparently ditched her creepy '80s punker hairdo for a wig that looks like it was made from grass or hemp or something. She claims to want to get together for drinks. We might have given her a fake number, and not just because we're scared of her saw-toothed ex-boyfriend.

A date? That sounds... great! No, May doesn't work for me. What are you doing in a decade or so? Nothing? I'll give you a call!

Hat tip to Milkbone98!