PCH, Fiero-Based Hell Edition: Fierrari or Zimmer Quicksilver?

Illustration for article titled PCH, Fiero-Based Hell Edition: Fierrari or Zimmer Quicksilver?

Britain beats Italy, though by the slimmest of margins, in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll, with the '64 Lotus Elan eking out a 51/49 victory over the '60 Lancia Flaminia. That means we'll need to set up a Britain-France PCH Schmackdöwn Challenge™ pretty soon... but that comes only after we cross the river of flaming gasoline that separates us from Fiero-Based Project Hell. The General saw fit to build vast quantities of mid-engined, plastic-bodied cars back in the 80s, and that means that hundreds of cigar-chomping entrepreneurs believed they could make vast quantities of cash putting "improved" bodies on Fieros. Fierraris, Fieroborghinis, Pantieros, Fiersches... and let us not forget Fiero-based coke-dealer-centric statusmobiles!


Ah, the Fierrari! Do a search for "Ferrari" in any online classifieds, and you'll find that most of the results are Fiero-based cars. Your Fieroborghini tends to be more crass, less refined, but a good Fierrari is always a joy. You get the attention-grabbing looks of the real deal, but you can get parts for chicken feed at your nearest junkyard. Better still is the Fierrari with V8 engine, because then you get extremely manly handling characteristics that permit you to show off your skid- and spin-recovery skills just driving down to the corner store. The key is to get one with a body kit that isn't too slavish a ripoff of a real prancing-horse machine, and we've found just the thing with this Fiero convertible with kit (go here if the ad disappears), with a clearly-negotiable asking price of 10 grand. We're not sure what the "kit" involves, but maybe it has something to do with the engine. We're hoping it's a V8, but that's just one of many questions you'll have for the seller, because other than the wheel sizes (18s in the rear, 17s in the front) and the paint color, we really don't get much information about this Fierrari's story. But don't worry about its condition, because this car comes from a private collection!

You're a big fan of the Zimmer Golden Spirit, but need something a little easier to park? Just step onto the steal-packed lot of Lowball Lucifer's Quality Pre-Owned Automobiles, my friend, and see how you feel behind the wheel of this 1986 Zimmer Quicksilver. Yes, in addition to the Golden Spirit, Zimmer manufactured 170 Fiero-based Quicksilvers in the mid-1980s, and were they lookers or what? The only problem with this one- well, aside from the trashed interior and body damage, that is- is that it has the low-po V6/slushbox combo. You'll need to do something about that, first thing, and we suggest a nice Cadillac V8 swap, maybe even a Northstar swap if you're feeling ambitious. We don't know where the reserve has been set, but the current high bid is only $1,225 at the time of this writing, so we think you'll be able to get quite the deal on a genuine Zimmer.

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Isn't the whole point of a pimp wagon is that it is a big car (Lincoln, El Dorado, etc.), which Fieros are not, even with a wheel base extension. I guess the Zimmer is for the pimp of smaller stature or one really secure in their manhood. Have to vote for the Zimmer here.