Sacha Baron Cohen will drive an all-gold armored truck in "The Dictator"

Illustration for article titled Sacha Baron Cohen will drive an all-gold armored truck in The Dictator

Only one thing could bring together Pamela Anderson, Sacha Baron Cohen, Saddam Hussein, and whale penis leather: Russian carmaker Dartz, who will provide a golden armored car for the filming of the fantasy Saddam Hussein biopic "The Dictator."

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There are so many moving pieces here and all of them are ridiculous, so we're going to try and explain this as simply and directly as possible. Sacha Baron Cohen — i.e. Borat — is making a film based loosely on the novel Zabibah and the King about a beautiful Iraqi commoner who is raped by an evil husband. It's an allegory for the U.S. invasion of Iraq and probably written partially by Saddam Hussein. Somehow this movie takes place in New York.

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Illustration for article titled Sacha Baron Cohen will drive an all-gold armored truck in The Dictator

Dartz is the insane Russian carmaker most famous for making an SUV with a whale penis leather interior. This set off Pamela Anderson, target of Cohen's Borat film, who complained about the cruelty to animals. Dartz relented and made a Pamela Anderson Volga with fake whale penis leather.

Now, appropriately, Dartz will be providing the all-gold Prombron SUV for "The Dictator" movie, which we're guessing is the one with gold everything and seats from Boris Yeltsin's plane. Pictured above is the Red Diamond version.

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Here's a typically semi-incomprehensible explanation from one of the Dartz guys.

Yakshemash, DARTZ! Saddam Hussein.
And that means that kazakh number one – Borat Sagdiev choose car from number one crazeee car supplier to crazeee kazakh's – DARTZ.
But not for himself – for Saddam Hussein.
The Dictator. The Real Dictator.
DARTZ released their james Bond inspired "The car With The Golden Wheels" last year to one of Top Marques Monaco Show which was planned to be in Middle east.
And may be that's destiny that car find it's customer in Middle East.
And that's great customer!
Sacha baron Cohen a.k.a. Saddam Hussein.
Of course in addition to his gold AK-74 Saddam need russian Golden car – all dictators like Golden Russian Toys.

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Illustration for article titled Sacha Baron Cohen will drive an all-gold armored truck in The Dictator

Like told my friend Igor "Sniper" Ristolainen
This Saddam look like modgahed I sold spares from my armored car in Afganistan . I was happy to sell all car – but next day we have small battle with these basmach – and we need this car we need this car to kick his ass!

Leonard F. Yankelovich
a.k.a.
LEO'n'DARTZ

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This is going to be fun. All Jalopnik readers need to be on the look out for this car, especially in the New York area.

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DISCUSSION

You know what? As preachy as this movie seems like it'll be, all I hope for is that the Iraqi Minister of Information is in the movie (played by maybe...I dunno...Russell Peters?), I will go see this movie.

But, alas, I fear that it will not be so and this will likely have to wait for DVD.