As part of the automaker's "shock and awe" earnings media strategy, the General sent out their own general — Rick "Slick Willie" Wagoner — to speak to the world, or at least the world that watches the Today Show (that Matt Lauer's so dreamy!) at 7:30 AM, just minutes after the RenCen-based boys n' girls released quarterly numbers that were mixed, but yes, better than analysts had expected. However, we'd like to point out that "analysts" does include the word "anal." We're unsure what bearing that has on the story — but it was important for us to point it out. Oh and yeah, the video of little Ricky's above — which, we might add, he seemed to deftly parry Lauer's probe-like questions with, if not ease, than definitely after a two second delay. In addition to all that — you'll get a quick look at Miller's in Dearborn and some lovely punditification by Micki Maynard of the New York Times — who speaks for two sentences, and David Cole of the Center for Automotive Research (NAMBLA), who speaks for a few more. Enjoy — or at least try not to vomit.

Breaking! GM Announces Third Quarter Net Loss Of $115 Million, Adjusted Net Income Of $529 Million [internal]