Let's strike this one from inside the intended demo: Gen-X guy buys tofu. Gen-X guy is spotted buying tofu. Gen-X guy runs to nearest Hummer dealer and buys H3. Now, the Jalop penning this piece has been a devoted tofutee for 11 years. He also drives a sport utility vehicle while wishing he owned a sports car and a pickup. Budget constraints, utility and access to press cars won out, and he ended up with a midsize ute that featured everything he wanted in a station wagon in his price range (V8, towing capacity, the ability to carry people if needed) without most of what he didn't want (bling, glitz, pretense, crappy mileage). Goes, stops, works, hauls, handles abuse, huffs gas like Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Love, Liza suffers from molten crayon residue etc. Which, frankly, is the opposite of why people buy Hummers.

On the other hand, the original tagline for the segment was, "Restore your manhood." Which, due to outcry from pencil-dicked Hummer fans was calmed down to "Restore the balance." Balance? What balance? Between small phallus and weenus extension? They should've just carried over the slogan from the other spot in the campaign: "Get your girl on." Silly aspirational Hummer buyers, H3s are for chicks!

Is Hummer courting hippies? [Slate]

To Infinity, and Beyond: Unsold Hummers [Internal]