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The Electric Hummer Is A Water Sign

Illustration for article titled The Electric Hummer Is A Water Sign
Image: GMC

They say water signs are abnormally observant, intensely emotional, apt to get lost in thought, desiring of inclusivity, a bit on the mysterious side, and are limitless in their creative potential. Those born under the sign of the crab are summer babies, like me—born July 22nd. I don’t know what any of that has to do with Hummer, but apparently it’s a Cancer and proud of it. So proud that it has gone and tattooed it’s assumed Zodiac sign right into its logo.

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GMC tweeted on Thursday this new logo with the tagline “Real revolutionaries forge their own direction.” There’s no way of knowing what that means, mostly because it’s meaningless. Some have posited that this is the as-yet-unannounced but totally “leaked” Crab Mode that the Hummer EV will be able to access. Nobody knows yet what Crab Mode will do, but the assumption is that the Hummer EV will be able to turn its wheels in opposite directions to crab left or right in an effort to make it more versatile off-road.

If GMC is willing to completely brand this vehicle on this one piece of marginally useful and unproven tech, then it must be pretty great. I don’t know that I’ve seen a crab-branded car before, so we can add that one to the list. I guess it makes sense in that it’s hard on the outside and soft on the inside? And it has pincers to defend itself from predators and grasp unsuspecting prey?

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We won’t know for sure that the Hummer EV doesn’t have a thick mineralized chitin exoskeleton and a pair of defensive chelae protrusions until it officially drops later this fall. Of course, even once we’ve seen the thing in the white buttery flesh, you still won’t be able to purchase one from a dealer showroom for an additional year.

If you were hoping to get crabs with your Hummer, it’ll still be a while before they come. *sigh*

Jalopnik contributor with a love for everything sketchy and eclectic.

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arch-duke-maxyenko
Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire

Typically you don’t get the crabs from just a Hummer