Photo: Craigslist
Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!  

The ad for today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Conquest advises ‘Serious buyers only,’ and forewarns that ‘cheap monkeys’ need not apply. Could the price of this seemingly well-preserved sport coupé make it something you might still monkey around in?

It’s a sad fact that, here in the States, Ford has given up on selling sport sedans like yesterday’s 1989 Taurus SHO. It gets even sadder when you realize that, extant the Mustang, the company will soon offer no cars at all in the U.S., only trucks SUVs and crossovers.

Advertisement

That’s too bad because Ford was the company that literally put America in cars with the Model T. Yes, they’ve long been a dominant force in the truck category as well, but as that Yamaha-powered Taurus proved, they could do sedans with panache too.

Unfortunately, the seller of that particular SHO was asking a sizable $6,900 for the car. Even more egregiously, the ad claimed that the price was set to recoup the money invested in making the car as pretty as it was. That’s car seller kryptonite as most of you pointed out, and in the end, the SHO didn’t go on with a 60 percent Crack Pipe loss.

The ‘80s was an era of performance growth in the automotive industry. Car companies finally seemed to get their act together in melding emissions and efficiency and cars on the whole got… well, lots better.

Advertisement

One such ‘80s performer is this 1989 Chrysler Conquest TSi, a sporty hatch that was aptly named seeing as it was little more a rebranded Starion from Chrysler’s Japanese partner, Mitsubishi.

The Starion/Conquest competed for buyers with Nissan’s 280ZX, the Toyota Supra, and Mazda’s RX7, although with just four cylinders under the hood it seemed, on paper at least, to be at a disadvantage to its six-cylinder and rotary-powered rivals.

Advertisement

Mitsubishi addressed that inequity by making the SOHC 4G54 inline-four a big mother, clocking in at a sizable 2.6-litres. In the ’89 TSI that received a TD05-12A MHI turbocharger and under-bumper intercooler that packed in the ponies to the tune of 188 horsepower and 223 lb-ft of torque. Twin balance shafts kept the big four from thumping your fillings out.

Advertisement

In this Conquest, that mill is paired with a five-speed manual, and that routes power to the rear wheels through an independent suspension set up. This being a hot Conquest it also received 16-alloy wheels that filled fenders that had been flared in Porsche 944 fashion.

Advertisement

This yellow over black TSi shows a mere 94,000 miles on the clock and an appreciably nice presentation, at least in the photos. The seller notes a 10-year old respray in the factory San Marino Yellow and a new clutch as incentives.

The interior is an amazing time capsule of ‘80s pastiche with an 8-bit upholstery pattern on the seats and doors, and garish orange highlights on all the controls. This being an ’89, it does suffer from mousebelt-itus although the auto-capture belts do have TURBO woven into their straps so that’s a plus.

Advertisement

The engine bay is just as clean with all the hoses and wires seemingly in place and without major issues. One minor issue is an A/C system that needs a jolt of the cold stuff. That may be problematic since the system is freon and that’s mechanica-non-grata these days. What appears to be a rouge A/C hose in the boot doesn’t bode well for that either.

Advertisement

On the plus side, the car comes with a bunch of spares, including apparently a ‘hole spare car.’ I get that the seller means whole, but I like picturing a hole that the seller points to saying “there she is, just pull ‘er out!”

Advertisement

This is a two-owner car and comes with a clear title and recent emissions test. The seller is asking $11,500 and as noted, should you be a cheap monkey you need not bother trying to talk the seller down. In my experience, monkeys are typically all cheap bastards so I see the point the seller is making.

Advertisement

Should you be intrigued in the car, and willing to delve somewhere near that asking, we now need to decide just how near is fair. What’s your take on this Conquest and that $11,500 asking? Does that seem a good deal for what’s described as an “as-new” experience? Or, does that seem like the same old song and dance?

You decide!

Advertisement

Boise, ID Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to theblightofgrey for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Hit me up at rob@jalopnik.com and send me a fixed-price tip. Remember to include your Kinja handle.